Depersonalization Support Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts
G

·
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hello everyone,

my name is lori and i was very involved in this community about 5 years ago. I experienced terrible dp/dr along with anxiety and agoraphobia. I found a good doctor and after a few months of treatment with SSRI's and Ativan, I started to feel better. It was a long road, but I finally got to a place of feeling good again and was able to go back to college and accomplish alot of things.

out of nowhere, the dp/dr has come back and i'm scared to death. I know it's because I've had extra stress in my life lately, and there is alot of change happening. My husband and I are moving, and I run a nonprofit cat rescue that keeps me overworked and exhausted most of the time. For the past couple days the dp has been getting worse, and now I'm terrified that I'm going to breakdown and go through this terrifying experience all over again. I feel like I can't handle another episode of this, and that I have way too many obligations in my life to have this happen to me. I'm scared to go back to my pschiatrist because I'm afraid she will change my meds and I am terrified to go through that. The scariest part is that no matter how much I try to talk to my husband about this, it doesn't seem to help, and I just feel like I'm disappearing from reality more and more. I can't remember what I did before to get myself through this. I feel paralyzed and very confused. I also feel like I can't explain what is happening so how can anyone really help me?

This experience is so awful, and I feel so bad for all of the people who suffer from this. I guess I need some words of support and understanding here, and definitely some suggestions on how to get through this, because I don't remember how I did it before. I'm just so terrified of going crazy and ending up in a mental hospital. I feel like it just won't ever go away now that it has started again. It's so damn scary. Please help. :cry:
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Lori I know how you feel. I got better & got sick again & it came back worse & I dont' know how I got through it either. I feel like I can't explain it either, it is more a feeling & thoughts - all scary ofcourse.

You just try to take life day by day & do your breathing exercises & relax & I keep a journal & it sort of helps to get it all out on paper. Talking helps also but unless you have gone through this you can't really understand it.

If you were mental & ended up in a mental hospital you wouldn't even know it so don't worry.

Unfortunately your nervous system is really revved up & it needs to come down again & it takes time. Go back discuss this with your psych so you can get well again. Tell them you like your medication, maybe you need to up the dosage or just have some sedatives to take to calm you down. See a professional it will help.
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi Lori!

I'm very sorry that you're experiencing dp/dr again. It's so awful, trust me, I know (I know you know). But you have come to a right place! You're not alone here and everyone can totally relate to what you're going through.

I might not be the right person to help you, as I'm suffering from dp/dr myself. I think Janine will give you better advice as she is a very wise lady and has recovered totally from dp/dr feelings. But I've been feeling a lot better for a few days and have only occasional dp/dr and it's because of one book that I've found to be very helpful (Edmund J. Bourne: The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook). I belive, as in my case, your feelings of dp/dr are the result of great, enduring stress. And MAYBE (I have to make assumptions that might be wrong in your case) you're like me in that way that you haven't really listened your self before. So maybe dp/dr is the only way that FORCES you to focus on your self and makes you listen... if you CAN (it can be very difficult when you're feeling scared), try to think and FEEL what is going on in your life. I've learned from the book that I have a very negative "self talk" and wrong beliefs that make me feel anxious and stressed. I've also learned that in the long run, only thing that will help is to find a new approach to life and a new way to think and react. This might not be the truth in your case, but it is in mine.

I believe I've found the reason of why I suffer from dp/dr. It's because 1) I have a type of personality that is prone to anxiety/stress 2) My childhood taught me to think in a certain way, i.e. "I don't exist if I'm not loved --> I must act in a way that people will keep loving me" and 3) I've been very stressed for a long time and been ignoring it until dp/dr came along (which, of course, made me even more stressed and anxious). It's like having a heart attack. First, you have to have this biological factor that makes you prone to heart problems. Then you have to live a certain way, i.e. eat salty and heavy food, smoke etc. And if you suffer from great stress (psysical or mental), you might end up having a heart attack.

We're all different and my "theory" might not work for you at all. But it works for me. I'm only starting this slow healing process so I'm not recovered. But I hope I'm (and everyone else too) going to be one day. For me, it doesn't help ONLY to understand the reasons why I've become a kind of person I am. I also have to CHANGE. If I continue to think/behave the way I do now, I wont recover totally. When the anxiety lifts, I might feel better, but when again stressed, dp/dr will definitely come back. It's like living with heart problems. If you don't want to have a heart attack, you have to change your way of living permanently.

I don't know if my thoughts help you or not...I can only hope they do, as they have helped me. I DON'T think that the book I mentioned has all the answers, it's not the cure, but it has made me to open my eyes. I like it, because it has questions that I have to answer. I've never been able to know how I really think about life before, because I'm not smart enough to ask the right questions.

Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Best wishes,

H

P.S. I hope my writing isn't too hard to understand. English isn't my native language, so I'm propably making a lot of mistakes...
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi,
You acknowledge that there is a connection between an increase in stressors in your life and the dp/dr. Rather than preparing yourself for coping with the dp/dr in the event that it comes back, why not try to cope with the stressors themselves? I would bet money that if you fix the underlying problem of your anxiety, you will fix the dp/dr. If you cant fix your circumstances in your life (eg. taking on less responsibilities to lessen your work load) why not change your perception of your situation ie. attitude towards it.

It is such an amaxzing sign for me that you posted this message because I am currently in a very similar situation. I have fully recovered from episodes of dp for over 6 months until yesterday...it bloody well came back (an episode, that is). It scared the hell out of me and I felt the same way you did...like I can't/don't want to goi through it again. The reason mine came back is because I am moving interstate soon and I am about to face all of the phobias and fears I have managed to avoid for the past few years (flying, big crowds, public transport, being alone at home). Not easy for an agoraphobic like me. I have asked myself if moving is such a good idea as Im afraid it will make the dp come back. I think that I am going to take the risk. I may live to regret it but I think that in the end I will be OK. I am hoping the saying is true, that life rewards risk.

Anyway I felt compelled to share my story with you because you and I are not alone in this situation and its sometimes nice to know that there is always one other person in the world who is going through the same thing. Good luck to us, huh?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
369 Posts
Do your best to reduce to your stress levels. Worrying and asking what-ifs will only bring you closer to breakdown. The reality is that it has come back and you can't change that. You can only ask yourself what can I do with this.

When we go through DP, we really only have 3 choices:
A) See a therapist
B) Get on meds
C) Control our minds, thoughts, and emotions the best we can with all of our strength until the DP/DR passes

Anything other than facing this thing head on isn't going to help you. Be encouraged and fight it again. If it means getting on some good meds, which helped you last time, then go for it. But you have a wide range of support here. Just hang in there and we'll all help each other carry the load.
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
well i'm so glad i came back to this site. You guys always say just what I need to hear. I'm grateful for the community here, and I feel more confident after reading these words of encouragement.

Thank you for caring!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,722 Posts
Hi Lori,

I was wondering how your move was going and how you are doing? Someone named John was looking for you so I thought I would bump you back to the top.

Let us know how things are when you have time.

Take care,
terri
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,722 Posts
Hi Lori,

I was wondering how your move was going and how you are doing? Someone named John was looking for you so I thought I would bump you back to the top.

Let us know how things are when you have time.

Take care,
terri
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
thanks for asking! it's so nice to know people care :)
i guess i'm feeling a little better.. it's kind of up and down. the move has only just begun, so I'm not sure how that is really going. My doctor upped my meds, and that does seem to be helping, although I can't shake the fear of going crazy. I know that is a hard one though.. this dp makes you feel so out of sorts. I just want to look at my husband and feel that incredible connection to him that I normally feel when not in this state. I miss that the most, and it makes me feel so alone. :(
 
G

·
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
thanks for asking! it's so nice to know people care :)
i guess i'm feeling a little better.. it's kind of up and down. the move has only just begun, so I'm not sure how that is really going. My doctor upped my meds, and that does seem to be helping, although I can't shake the fear of going crazy. I know that is a hard one though.. this dp makes you feel so out of sorts. I just want to look at my husband and feel that incredible connection to him that I normally feel when not in this state. I miss that the most, and it makes me feel so alone. :(
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top