Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm scared because I feel as if I'm not here. But I'm also scared to come back and face the type of person I am and the type of circumstances I've created for myself. I feel as if any sense of happiness that I could ever possibly have is a simple veneer for a black nothingness that exists inside. Its just a matter of time before I no longer have control, and have receded completely into some abstract madness. I wish I had a happy outgoing self to return to but I've never been happy or outgoing. I've never had any connection. I have no connection to myself, my family, the few acquaintences I know. I'm a free floating lump of flesh existing on the earth for god knows what reason. I desperately want to be one of those simple people who have no worries and are able to go on with life without examining it. Once the superficial structure I place on life falls away I'm left grasping for a sense of security that I can't find. I want to be able to live, I want these foreign objects and people around me to have meaning and inspire joy or happiness. I don't want to go out like this, slowly but surely losing my grip on things.