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I initially wrote this thread apologizing for a thread I wrote where I gave bad advice, but it was incredibly self-centered. Here's what I wrote:

I wrote a thread last night during being up for over 2 days in a wild paranoia seeking the validation of this forum while giving out bad advice, and I'd like to apologize to you all. I'm sorry.

I've been learning how to put up boundaries and generate my own self-worth and I was seeing so many amazing results in my self-worth, life, and relationships, but I started into old habits when I began abusing alcohol and marijuana on my birthday last month. It's been a month of seeking ego stroking, letting others use me, and indulging in excess. I've been doing risky things for the validation of others and I put a strain on my family and friends.

I'm going to continue moving forward and get some help for my drug problem from a counselor.

This part really says it all -

It's been a month of seeking ego stroking, letting others use me, and indulging in excess.

How incredibly self-absorbed. There is no real consideration for feelings of the people I hurt. I need to listen to what the people I love tell me about how they feel and not dismiss or ignore them.

I feel sorry and willing to listen. I feel totally exhausted and self-absorbed most of all. I feel I need help.

 

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It's also worth saying a warning to those reading that are heavy pot smokers - marijuana withdrawal exists, and it can seriously effect sleep and in turn behavior. Read up before you stop.

 

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Thank you Selig. You're a swell guy and you're right. True compassion and understanding is for EVERYONE, including myself.

 

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I apologized to my family tonight because I stole property that they were going to sell.

That was what really made me feel guilty because I know they need money, and they are used to brushing off the dumb and obvious covert unconscious manipulations my narcissistic mindset brings out. The true sincerity and guilt lead to a response of, "Shit happens. We understand.". Even after they said that I told them in an indirect way that I wanted them to be angry and punish me. Why judge myself when I can love and improve myself?

It turns out it wasn't such a big deal as they had plenty more. Regardless, of course what I did was wrong, and I offered to make it up them. I don't think they will ask, but I will insist whenever I can and if they are willing to take it!

I am crying now because the weight has lifted off my chest, I can feel connection, and I feel GENUINE love, not love for some imagined projection born out of insecurity. I want to spread it around so much, and I will.

 

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Empathy is such a beautiful thing.

I stole before in the past from my family, and it was the same type of property I stole this time. The anger and confrontation I remember frightened me into hollow sorries.

Somewhere in the middle of this confession I became angry; I felt transformed in intensity and beamed into the eyes of the man I've stolen from. That money was for his family and I took it away from him for a pleasure for the sake of it. How could a good person make that choice? How the hell isn't he wanting to rip out my neck right now? His eyes were intense too, but it was blended with a shock. I've never seen that look before and didn't know what to make of it at the time.

Funny.

It was electrifying too, and the satisfaction made me wanna cum sprinkles.