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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Good-morning/Good-afternoon,

I am not sure about writing this. I don't know if i'll be receiving answers anyway. I don't know even if i want answers or i'm just writing it to relieve myself.

Btw, my language is not English, sorry for errors. Oh and that may not be the only reason i may make mistakes as you know.

Okay, there are son many things. But i'll start here :

I want to go away from my home. I don't wanna call it "running away" but that's how it will seam to m family and others... disgusting, how others judge your actions as if they have a share in your life.

Don't worry i'm not in that angry hate state of mind. I know what i am talking about. It's something else.

I just realized this will take some time. And plus, my fingers are shaking (not from writing this but just... i don't know)

Are you bored ? Do you feel guilty for not caring to know the rest ? Don't worry, i feel that too sometimes.

Do you dislike reading other's problems ? Do you fear they might contaminate you with there fears ?

Are you scared you might induce bad ideas into you head ?

So i was saying that i wanna go away from this kind of life. I already wanted to do that when i was young, but, you know, i was young, naive and cared and listened to what my parents told me. But the thing is, i knew better than them ! I should've stayed who i was ! I shouldn't have given them my anger, my hate, my sadness, my life, my mind. Oooh but, i can't blame myself, i know too much how it feels when you are incapable, tired, scared, alone.

What will i do ? I'm afraid i will ruin my life if i go. And WHERE ? HOW ? With what ? Really, i thought i was better than this, i still thin that but... where's the sign ? where's the change ? where's the hope and the happiness ? There are two meanings to me wanting to go. Did you guess ? One, is changing my life and two, is leaving it. No worries, i'm a moral person, believe me, i wouldn't want to go to hell, i don't want to anger God.

The suicide thing won't happen, it won't, it won't. I... yesterday for the first time i had... i just had a rush about jumping from the window after getting the regular screaming from my mother (i expected it.. This women is sick, sad, liked to create problems without problems but instead of getting help

Ow, the filthy neighbor above my room just threw garbage from his window. I swear ! How can such stupidity exist, how ?! I am sick with dp dr and much more but still, and thank god, i didn't change in that way. I am a bit of a maniac in property (and struggling for ages with them), now i will feel as if dust is entering my room. And actually, it does ! And my bed is in the side of the window so...

Don't be afraid to stay yourself even if everyone around you is different. Trust me, you'll regret it later, when you realise it was stupid. I did. I am still trying to remember myself.

This morning, and since a lot of time, i had the feeling that going outside is better than staying at home, and light didn't bother me a lot.

And no, don't picture that i live in a dangerous poor neighboring and stuff. It's okay, we get to eat pies and nutella and go out sometimes hhhhhh. Aaah but even with this, i don't like there way of living, or the way they consider food and things and clothes.

God ! You know, i never cared about what others thought about me or about who i was or what i was wearing. But my mother induced in my head since a child that i should ! And i know, i knew, that the real me isn't that. I know for sure, that if i go away, if i leave these influences and this tiring, boring and stupid mode of life, i'd be better.

They just follow the society they are in. I was born in the wrong place. I keep asking God the meaning of all this. I was a sensible person, that instead of progressing in a good way and becoming the better version of me, was kept under her true nature, her true capacities, never felt complete, always wanted something different, something inaccessible, something new, something that my parents kept saying was not for people like us. But why did they include me in there "us", i was never and i will never (i hope) be like them. When they said it, it wasn't to bring me "down" (although it did, and had more repercussions) but to "keep my feet on land" like they always repeated over and over as i grew. I always controlled myself from going crazy, so i got extreme sadness instead. That rage i have... But i learned. I learned when i was a child. I am trying to recover and recuperate the wise me.

I suffer from this living, as always, and i got used to it, but it still kills me. I hate it when days pass rapidly without me achieving or at least learning anything and the ressemblance between them. I always believed that my life was more.

I don't wanna write more, i'm hungry, i have some things to do... And plus, they said "introduced yourself" and i'm telling whatever.

Have a good day, i hope we all breath.
 

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Im feeling same... How old are you?
Im lost in my head and i dont feel like living being anymore. I spend my time empty and i dont even care so much. Until i start to think about it. No matter what i do it never gets better. Or at least more clear. I feel out of control. Just out completely. Im gone
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Im feeling same... How old are you?
Im lost in my head and i dont feel like living being anymore. I spend my time empty and i dont even care so much. Until i start to think about it. No matter what i do it never gets better. Or at least more clear. I feel out of control. Just out completely. Im gone
I'm almost 19. It's been four years i think, since i'm living this way Do you think sometimes that you got so used to this state that you forgot how to come back ? well don't ! Actually it's just a false thought It's just a fear You are here and you never forget You just embraced so many others ideas that maybe you forgot which one is true. You will remember. At least i know that. You know, for me, i think i started having these troublesome worries and fears way back the actual "sickness" started. I wish and pray to God that it's all a test. But.. isn't it taking too long. I prefer dying, and finally having peace. But i also wanna live, truly, and learn from my experience, and not commit the same stupid mistakes ever again.

Are you lost in the world of your imaginations ? Try, force yourself to get out of it. By accepting that it's not true and by convincing yourself that the reality is much better. Don't let doubts get into you. I'm also fighting them. I think that it's not only dp dr that we're facing but something else also, that was due to the heaviness of this burden, of the sadness that we endured, maybe ? Ow and actually, this state is not as horrible as it is, try to believe that, it's true. Separate the false statements from the true ones. Start healing yourself. Start to dig into you (in the right way) to find if you did something (that you forgot about) that might've led you to fear this or that for exemple. You are not gone. We are not. Nobody is. Try to be strong. I know exactly what you are feeling. You need to actually start doing something (even if you think you are, maybe you stay away from what scares you, what tires you and what stresses you).

Have a nice sleep. What about trying to sleep less that the other days ? I'll try to wake up early too (i always try this but...).
 

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Yes.. I think heres many things which can be cause me this. Its usually some feelings im pushing away. Its sometimes what im too blind to see. Or im being too lazy. Having no patience. But everything seems to distant and hard. Im not trying even when im subconsciously trying all the time. Even when things my look bit different and better my state will not satisfie me. It will not give me any relief. Because all just feels so off. Somehow feels like im living my past.just in my head.life is beem always hard for me. We always start to thing possible reasons what might have been causing this much suffering.. But somethimes its only everything... Sometimes heres no quick fix. And i cannot stand it.
It would be much easier if life was smooth sailing. But its just not true. Life can change so quickly. Someday you think it was all a bad dream and now all is better again. But sometimes is again hits hard. You are back where you were. It have happened to me many times. I forget. And then remember again. But i usually forget more.and then i just forget completely what life was and start to live in my own world. Which is not beautiful. Heres alwayd something to fix. But sometimes tol much
 

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You really should go and do what is good for you. I was the same at youre age but never had the strenght to go away or was to closed to look for medical help. Im 26 now
and im so deep in it. I tryed to go away by travelling but I think it was to late, I was very anxious and had to dp dr to long. I dont realize what im doing anymore and who I am and it never goes away, im connected with nothing anymore. Nothing has a meaning anymore Its so hard. I still live at home and I do almost nothing all day, even if I try to do things its not getting better but worser. So now im stucked and dont want to live anymore. You should do what you want before its to late, society makes people sick. I also wish I was borne at another place or time or had a stronger personality.
 

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I know i probably should go and do something. But i just dont feel like. I cant experience anything than my own mind which is so messed. Everyday i just feel more and more depressed. I just dont feel like doing anything because i know those things doesent change. I still feel i failed.. I still feel this very bad feeling. I dont know..it might be hopelessness... Im freezed inside.
 
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