Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I'd like to start off by saying I feel very thankful for finding this community, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and discuss it with me. I'm really struggling with coming to grips of what is going on with my mental state.

To preface, I have been a long-term cannabis user since early highschool, so for at least 10 years (Currently 26), and as of the last 5 years I have been a heavy user smoking concentrates and being high all the time, every day. Two very close relatives died in the last two years, both of which were (apparently) traumatizing for me, as I held them both on ventilators as they were on the edge of death but at the time I really just felt immense sadness and didn't realize the mental trauma that was happening simultaneously. One night late last year, about 2 or 3 months ago, I did a dab like any other time, and had my first ever panic attack - and the only reason I knew that's what it was is because it was just me and my girlfriend, and every symptom I could communicate to her she could confirm she has had during her own panic attacks which come from anxiety she has constantly not just when she's high... I find it really hard to describe the way I felt, but the best way I could describe it is a hyper awareness of my existence, reality and consciousness. For the world around me, my body inside and out, and my mind and the way humans behave compared to other animals that we coexist with. The weirdness of society and human nature, of life and death, of reality at it's core... When I'm sober, I'm able to sort of focus on "the rat race" and being a part of society, but it feels forced and I don't feel like I have any ambition or drive anymore. But when I use cannabis, it is intense and uncomfortable just like that night 3 months ago. I used to love the feeling weed gave me but now I've come to hate it, but even when I'm sober for weeks at a time I still feel this hypersensitivity to reality and I feel isolated mentally from the rest of society.

I don't have insurance so seeing a doctor is hard for me, not only that but the first thing I think of every time I think of talking to a doctor about this is being bakeracted or giving me some kind of meds to make me a zombie. Does anyone have any advice? Do you think this could be DP/DR? I've done Google research, and it seems like it was caused by the recent trauma and possibly intensified by the cannabis, but if it is DP/DR caused by trauma will it ever go away?

Thanks for reading my ramblings, maybe I can find some answers and relief!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Thank you for sharing your story I hope ur doing well by now. I can’t tell u exactly what is this ur facing since I’m not a therapist but to me it looks like dp. ok so I don’t know much but here you go:
I would advice you to pause for a moment and look around you, bring your conscious to this moment I know it needs effort and it might be hard but you need to wake up and come to the reality observe your environment and you will come to recognize that you are safe totally safe. Try your best to bring your mind to now and be present. Next I advice you to save yourself the pain and the suffering so if doing this specific act causes you pain then stop it immediately you need to take a legit decision wether it’s by seeking help to stop whatever you’re doing or stoping it immediately (in case you can) And always address yourself positively and act upon your reality for example if you feel bad go to the gym or talk to a friend or volunteer somewhere, this way you connect a certain emotion to a positive constructive habit, you know yourself more than anybody would, that’s why you can make progress even if you couldn’t go to a therapist although I advice you to try your best to provide a therapist for you. Pls put in mind that you can’t control your emotions but you can control your actions so if you feel bad or hopeless you need to act wisely and put in mind that now when you’re feeling bad this is a new opportunity to you and you chose the good this time. Don’t worry cuz worrying will make anything become worse than before and I also suggest that if it really was dp then you can check the depersonalization manual by Shaun O’ Connor ( he also have a YouTube channel check it out it will help.) You should know that your not alone and that it is not your fault and it will get better no matter what just believe in yourself and move ahead.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top