I can't tell from some of the posts here if the average dp/dr experience is calming, annoying, or scarey.
All of the above. It can be calming when yer experiencing it mild-like, and it makes yer unafraid to fuck up, cos yer sense of reality is messed up. It can be annoying when yer at a job or university and can't "focus" on tasks. And yah, it can be scary as all hell, when you get that notion that yer the only "real" person...(i.e. the dante's inferno purgatory theory) where everything is a dream and tailor made to you. It can be delusional, make trees look odd, make everything seem sarcastic...much like having a bad trip after smoking cannabis. Someone hear's the wrong music and *snap* it's back. For me what's really scary is people getting a lucky rabbit's foot. "Closing all the blinds in my house works! or Drinking 3 pints of Orange Juice a day just fixes me right up, or even If i turn the lights on 3x it goes away." You get into obsessiveness...not healthy that.
For me, it's the weirdest feeling ever and it convinces me I am going insane. It's not painful (physically) but it's what I could only describe as "mental torment."
You're not going insane. You might do well to look at it like breaking yer arm or such..."I'm fooked now, but i can still function with what i got, and eventually it'll heal." It's tormenting because nobody believes you, and it's like explaining a dream...nobody cares because it's not their reality that they experienced so intensely, y'know? So it alienates you, alienates others...even alienates doctors who don't know a damned thing about Dissociative Disorders cos of the minute little bit in the DSM psyche workup book. But i always did this. Ask yourself..."Okay i feel like this now, but it comes and goes...and i know people heal, so i know i gotta believe....will i feel like this in 50 years?" NO way. Do easy stuff like that, and it'll get better, promise.
My doctor believes mine was brought on from post traumatic stress and induced from Lexapro (this made it 100 times worse).
Our psyches close up because our bodies cannot deal with the stresses that our minds are allowing, so the mind removes the self for the body to deal. Don't yer just love that bit? hehe. It's like "Brain, i don't like you, and you don't like me...but thanks alot for removing my psyche and sense of being on it!" heh. But it gets better. Lexapro eh? I'm suprised. I usually hear such good things about it. Glad i stayed away...even though i was on Celexa, and that'll make you feel flat...exacerbate the Dp/Dr to an extent.
I am now on day 2 with no more Lexapro (after weaning off) and still feel this dp/dr but it's not AS bad-- I am trying to not focus on it as much, which seems to help until my mind goes back to it and I start to feel insane again.
If you use intense words, and thoughts like "insanity, schizophrenia" or something sweeping, it's harder i think, y'know? Just look at it in smaller terms i think, honestly. "I have an illness, it's prescribed, it's somethign that can be cured..." Truly, i'm 90% but I have just residual "issues" that don't have that terrifying feeling. It's possible I promise that too.
This is by far, the weirdest, most bizarre and hardest experience I've ever had in all my life.
When you have your sense of reality taken away, it can be traumatic, the most traumatic. But then it goes to your sense of spirituality and biology. I mean, not to be religious or whatnot, but if you believe in a God and that they are benevolent, you must hope that you will be granted relief in this life...or biologically that people are working very hard to make meds that fix us up, right? Doctors DO believe this exists, so there's hope. It's possible either way you look at it.
Does your dp/dr scare you?
Jesus yes. I am not the person I once was I don't believe. But I am also more appreciative of "Going there and coming back." The worst i recall was feeling "Alice in Wonderland" like. Where common places had smells that were off...looks and colors that were off...and music felt flat, like you couldn't feel it. Your favourite songs flat. The love you feel flat, and having to explain that. I remember crying for days, and then eventually taking prescribed meds especially anti-anxiety meds that did the trick. Honestly that's the best route. An SSRI or some such corrects the chemistry that's off in yer head, while the Anti-anxiety kills the DP/Dr and gives you relief...at least enough to sleep. I lost 2 years on the couch...1 being afraid...and 1 being afraid to get back into things once i was cured.
But i was cured. Common theme huh? heh.
I guess my biggest fear is that this will not go away, even though I am convinced it was drug induced (Lexapro).
Your biggest fear is your biggest wall that you're putting up. Honestly, what happens is you hafta have belief. You'll get that too i think. It just comes with the time passing. How long have you been induced? Sorry if this all sounds completely self-righteous. I'm going on my 6th year now. It'll be odd when it's longer having been this way than not. funny. But yah, if you have that hope, meds, and caring people for support...here or otherwise, you'll get cured like me. Alot of us are very lucky to come back, and i'm appreciative everyday of what i can accomplish. So have faith y'know? Also, not to be an arse, but i doubt the lexapro induced your Dp/Dr...but everyone's different. I mean, it makes you fall flat...no emotions, and probably what occured was an overreaction to no feeling or whatnot...yer bodies way of saying "Hey this drug is making us not feel normal, so i'm going to react to you doing this to us by deadening our psyche." if anything at all. I don't think it threw yer chem balance off, cos usually i've heard on hear for years and years that lex (celexa/lexa) are virtually identical except for a few changes, and that they really help alotta people.
Please take an anti-anxiety drug (prescribed). I would reccomend Klonopin. It's highly addictive, but not so much as Valium or Ativan. 1mg does me just fine, probably a little more than i need. But yah, your fear will subside, if you let yourself become stoned by the anti-anxiety medication. Euphoria. A sense of not giving a damn about some stupid illness anymore, or the world...and then a comedown and ability to function. That's the plain god's honest in my experience.
And pretty much all i know to write about right now.
Hope you heal up well and quick.
Best of health
Doug/Dj/That70sboy/Sixtiessoul
