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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know this is going to sound extremely dumb being that I know people on here have been suffering for years and I feel bad even posting...

I've had dissociation for about two to three months tops once again I know I sound stupid for even acting like my time frame of it is horrible.But it has been one of the most terrified times of my life.

I started dissociation in October of 2019 clearly that shows it hasn't been that long but to me it feels like forever.I started with bouts of it.here and there I'd feel off or in a dream,as of Thanksgiving it was full blown I was terrified at all times and from there I just went down hill I don't leave the house I don't really do anything including talk to people out side of my home.I have started therapy to help with some of the emotions ive had to trauma and to get a better understanding of myself.Its been a rocky journey to say the least and I've only been twice of course of being doing my own things at home as well on top of therapy I've been getting to know myself.my spouse works a good amount of time during the day so I find myself alone alot.Im terrified of course because I think of the worst things.But instead of focusing on being alone I've kinda just sat with myself and let myself go through the physical feelings of it.I broke down a week ago after therapy and cried for hours knowing in my mind I'd be like this forever.in a sense I said goodbye to my old self.since then I've had more crying bouts but I've also had more moments of clarity I'm not fully here but I can sit and not question every little thing.I was obsessed with it with everything constantly looking it up checking symptoms a hundred times a day if not more.my question on this is how do I know this is the beginning of recovery I don't find myself constantly searching for the answers on what this is anymore not do I check every symptom I have.i actually thought to myself wow I don't feel the need to even Google this symptom or check if I have this this and this.but is this actually pointing to recovery or am I just completely gone.
Like I said I may not find myself checking symptoms on the internet but I do find myself in a odd place.
I do feel more shut off as in just kinda going with whatever happens and I'm just kinda responding if that makes sense.when I say just responding I mean I'm just kinda going with whatever comes to mind at this point.
I also still get freaked out alone and even sometimes when I'm with people I look at them and think it's crazy I've known them so long or they still feel unfamiliar to me.
When it comes to myself I get scared still but I seem to shut it off quicker I'm still in dpdr but I distract myself so I don't think of a particular thought.such as at times I'll look at my arm and be in amazement that it's my arm and then I go into more questions or thoughts like wow my name is and I'm years old and I've been with my spouse this long and the list goes on.
Back to the question is slowing the obsessional thoughts a good sign.and also does coming out of it put you in an odd place mentally almost a confused place??
 

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No one can really answer that. You can only tell in hindsight if it was a good sign or not. For me I had agonising racing thoughts every morning, and when that went i thought i was coming out of it, but I wasn't. It was just a facet of the disorder that lessened and went. They went nearly a year ago yet I'm still suffering.

Of course it's good that you're experiencing a slow down of symptoms. That odd place you're at mentally doesn't really mean anything.

You will only be able to piece together the puzzle when it's all gone
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I seem to be having more moments of clarity one thing I've noticed sadly I smoke cigarettes and have been for a few years now I've seen to notice that when I smoke the physical symptoms get worse I thought it wasn't that but I slowed down smoking and when I go a hour or more with out my physical symptoms aren't as harsh.The bad part is I'm a heavy smoker so I feel the need to constantly smoke but I think I'm gonna slow down for a few days and see if that helps some.
 

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That rings true. I had the same experience when I used to smoke and had heavy DP. Everything I've read on recovery suggests you need to cut out everything that causes imbalances in your physiology. That is typically nicotine, caffeine and excess sugar

If you're a heavy smoker i'd recommend taking up vaping if you don't want to go cold turkey. It's cheaper than smoking and doesn't create the same stress response in your body, so shouldn't affect your dp
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm gonna look into that I had cut out all sugar from my diet prior to do do to health reasons so smoking is now the next to go.ive tried vaping in the past and didn't care for it but I'll push through this.i was an ex addict to pills and alcohol so of I can get through that cold turkey I think I'll get through smoking lol
 

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okay, best of luck. It will certainly be good for DP

If you're struggling with the cold turkey Ian McKennas' book is supposed to be very good and helped my brother quit

Me, i only quit by vaping. But now i vape all the damn time. In my bed, in the shower, in my sleep lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Lol I'll look into the book.im not sure why I didn't like vaping it was awhile ago.i smoke way to many ciggerettes even if I didn't have dpdr I should probably quite.its been really severe since I stopped drinking I can smoke almost two packs a day. I've seen some people say sinus issues can also worsen it have you had any experience with that.
 

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That is heavy xD yeah i had a little sinus wierdness a few years ago with DP but it settled down and went. I didn't really focus on it
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I just wondered I've had sinus issues since I was little and I've seen people talk about it so I didn't know if maybe it did worsen it.my new fear now is the whole out of body feeling makes me scared to walk as if I'm just gonna collapse and my soul completely leave my body.I know it's irrational but still very scary.I have therapy in a bit and I'm freaking out about walking out of the house I hate the irrational fears but the physical feelings seem so unbearable at times.I know I have to go to therapy but sometimes I just feel defeated
 

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Go happily to your therapy, the out of body stuff is really just a feeling and these feelings never translate into anything meaningfull in reality. I don't suffer the out of body stuff anymore, it will go and you will be like wtf was that about.

I feel defeated every day, I haven't been able to sense myself or think properly or have a moment without existential thoughts in 2 years, but I fight on. You need to aswell
 
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