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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I have a rough time going on right now and could use some input.
I am going to keep my story short:
I have had anxiety as a child. I just couldn't stand the feeling beeing without my parents. It was the first time I felt so anxious that I couldn't handle it. Fortunately this passed during the years and I was a quite healthy teenager. When I was 21years old (5years ago) I had a bad panic attack from weed and this initiated a very very bad downward spiral. I felt dissociated, anxious and depressed 24/7 sitting in my room crying all the time. I lost my beloved girlfriend because of it but I somehow managed to push through and calm down after a year or so. Up to this point I thought it was all a generalized anxiety disorder and I took lexapro for it. Somehow it kept my problems at bay, but there where always lingering in the back, returning every couple of month. But it was kind of manageable.
6 month ago I browsed through the internet and came upon the concept of solipsism. It's a theory by Descartes saying that nothing except the own consciousness can be proven real. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Since then I am obsessing about the concept of reality, am anxious panicky and dissociated. I just don't know how to handle it. There are a lot of other symptoms I am encountering. I will list a few:
-Anxiety 24/7
-obsessive thoughts about nature of reality, the universe, the human body, consciousness etc.
-brain fog
-bad memory
-feeling off (this one is really hard to describe. It's like the feeling after you just woke up, but you have it all the time)
-health anxiety
-concerns about the future(work, relationship, etc.)
-and a feeling of eternal hopelessness (this is one of the worst)

I came upon a lot of descriptions about DPDR and they all include out of body feelings and feeling a distance between yourself and the outer world. I cannot relate to this. For me it's more like my mind is going crazy and I fear my own existence. It's very hard to explain. Everything I try to do or even think something thoughts like "but what if reality isn't real" pop up. This hurts in so many ways that live seems pointless.
Another point is the emotional numbness. I ain't emotional numb. I feel anxiety all the time, I even cry when things go really bad. I don't feel much joy anymore due to all this but I am far away from beeing emotional numb.

Can any you guys relate? Is this really DPDR?

Thanks for reading my post. I wish you well my friends.
 

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Every regular on here knows about solipsism. It's probably the number one complaint that is mentioned. If you don't do anything else, then please don't scroll the internet looking for bullshit concepts to freak out over. Solipsism is a bullshit lie designed to trip and made by someone with too much time on their hands.

No you are right that it doesn't sound like 'classic' dpdr, but I also suffer from the 'crazy brain' and anxiety more than dpdr (i got it from dpdr). I also have existential thoughts about time, nature, reality, cosmic existentialism, and i share many of your worries including this fear of your own existence, hopelessness, bad memory.

I've been like this for 1.5 years and it can take a loooong ass time for your brain to calm down. But it does. Depends how bad you are. I was awful, couldn't eat, sleep and developed claustrophobia, visual disturbances, virtigo, breathing and swallowing problems. Utter mess, and I'm about 60% better after all that time

Rest is how you recover from anxiety. Do your normal day to day things and then rest. Drink a lot of water, exercise a little but don't do so much you tax your nervous system.

Try to see your thoughts as just thoughts. Don't buy into them, and just observe them passing through your conciousness. If you have a particularly wierd one just think huh that was wierd and go about your day.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I am very grateful for your answer. It feels good to see I am not the only one. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to go through all this. Do you think it makes a difference if anxiety caused the DPDR or the other way round (as in your case)?
 

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In 2014, my anxiety caused my dp. In 2018, dp caused my anxiety. I think the dp induced anxiety is worse because it's just out of control and about absolutely anything, and you can end up worrying about existential stuff like solipsism

I had solipsism 5 years ago but defeated it. The good thing is once you defeat a theme that is bothering you, it doesn't usually return

No i get it, it would be great if no one suffered but they do and there is strength in numbers
 
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