Is this normal for dp/dr

I feel like im genuinely not here, i have good days were its not as terrible but still bad and usually this last for a few weeks were i will feel okay, still depersonalised/derealised but its like the change in my attitude makes it better, then something will set it off and ill be back with another intrusive thought that i will never get better, what set me off this time was a weird false awakening dream loop i had, i kept waking up in dreams and not sure if was truly awake (which i wasnt) but it made me scared in my dreams that my dp/dr was worse, then when i finally woke up i was scared that i wasnt awake, then that day i went to my grandma and grandpas house and they are getting old and deteriating and my grandma is on lots of medication for anxiety and stuff and shes now seeing people that arent there which scared me and made me think that would happen to me, and now my brother is back in the hospital as he is a alcoholic (his been in and out of rehabs and hospitals for years) and its like when will i catch a break, im so scared i feel like ill never feel normal again, my memory can be really bad some days and i feel like my brain in asleep, i dont know what to do is this normal to go in and out of bad moments in the recovery process, im trying to go to my job and be strong and act normal but its so difficult sometimes, why do i feel like im not here why do i feel like my brain isnt working, sorry if this is all over the place but thats how im feeling so yeah.