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Is this normal for dp/dr

1454 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Maddyn
I feel like im genuinely not here, i have good days were its not as terrible but still bad and usually this last for a few weeks were i will feel okay, still depersonalised/derealised but its like the change in my attitude makes it better, then something will set it off and ill be back with another intrusive thought that i will never get better, what set me off this time was a weird false awakening dream loop i had, i kept waking up in dreams and not sure if was truly awake (which i wasnt) but it made me scared in my dreams that my dp/dr was worse, then when i finally woke up i was scared that i wasnt awake, then that day i went to my grandma and grandpas house and they are getting old and deteriating and my grandma is on lots of medication for anxiety and stuff and shes now seeing people that arent there which scared me and made me think that would happen to me, and now my brother is back in the hospital as he is a alcoholic (his been in and out of rehabs and hospitals for years) and its like when will i catch a break, im so scared i feel like ill never feel normal again, my memory can be really bad some days and i feel like my brain in asleep, i dont know what to do is this normal to go in and out of bad moments in the recovery process, im trying to go to my job and be strong and act normal but its so difficult sometimes, why do i feel like im not here why do i feel like my brain isnt working, sorry if this is all over the place but thats how im feeling so yeah.
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Hey Maddyn

That's definitely normal for me. I'm in a constant dp/dr detached state sort of drifting along on autopilot, some days are better, most are not so good but I get through. But I have some really bad days where I just feel so lost in myself and then I start panicking that I'll forget this is real and I'm in a constant loop of intrusive thoughts. Yeah some days are much worse, maybe even a few days. My boyfriend (whose the only person I properly talk to about my dp/dr) understands when I say 'It's just a bad day'. It's so hard to keep acting like you feel the same way as everyone else, that you're alive too, not just living. I think it helps to tell someone, I find it helps to carry something textural with me too. It doesn't exactly lessen the dp/dr but it's comforting to hold something real. Dp/dr has really shot my short term memory to bits, I always have reminders written on my hand because I know that otherwise they'll slip through the net.

It's okay to have bad days or weeks, it's part of the process. Sometimes it's going to be worse for a while, but that doesn't mean you aren't getting better. How stressful right now is for you is probably worsening your symptoms too at the moment. But none of that means you won't get better. Changing your attitude definitely helps I think; it's easy to get stuck in a spiral of just thinking about your dp/dr and how unreal everything feels, but if you decide not to entertain those thoughts, to push yourself and go out and do something with a better mindset it definitely helps. Doesn't mean you don't still have the symptoms, doesn't mean you don't still have really bad days when even getting up doesn't seem worth the amount of effort it will take. But it does mean you can get better

Thursday x
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