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Is this life ? I think it's mine

1640 Views 0 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  Inflammed
I'll try to write the big lines of my path here.

Untill the age 16, everything was fine, I was going to high-school, my parents were cool with me, I had friends and girlfriends =)
I started to party like almost everyone I knew...beginning with cigarettes...whoa that made me dizzy...then beer on the week-ends.
Then pot, Hash, some acid and mescaline, but Hash and pot regulary for 1 year.
Everything was still fine, I had some moments that I smoked too much and felt very disconnected...but I wasnt scared at all...I smoked so it was normal...

In my last year at high-school, I started to feel weird during class, unable to stay seated without feeling myself moving, changing position on my chair eery 2 minutes, I was just feeling bizzare in my skin.
On and on it was getting unbearable, so I deceided to stop smoking drugs, that was the best thing to do, but sadly, stopping that habit did not make my symptoms dissapear.
I was still unable to stay in a chair for more than 20 minutes, feeling dizzy, disoriented, feeling crappy and drugged.

So I went to see my GP, trying to explain him how I was feeling, anxiety was too easy to diagnose, I told him I wasnt really stressed or anxious, but yet he sticked with that...well, I said to myself, let's do some other diagnosis...and I did all the battery of tests available including the big brain scan...that was cool :p

Sadly, they found nothing, so a few years passed, but I was stilll feeling very weird from time to time...somehow getting stronger.
Went back to another doctor, explained him that I was feeling like If I had took an acid or smoked too much pot, even if I stopped that 3 years ago.
He said god doctors are stupid.

I inevitably developped anxiety over all this...wich I consider a normal reaction of the mind...I was so scared that my body needed a way to releive itself from the huge amount of stress and fear during DP/DR episodes...

I tried vain...Zoloft and Celexa...I felt worst on it.
So I stopped after 6 months of use...

So I lived with my UNKNOWN condition for 10 years...beleiving it was anxiety...even if wasnt stressed or anxious normally, but when DP hitted on me I got anxious for sure.

I had ups and downs for 10 years...but still able to live my life the best I could...some days I could not do anything...some days I could do everything I wanted...

Then last Febuary...I got Influenza...oh trust me on that this aint no fun...
Anxiety hitted me in the back of the head stronger than ever...bang...I wasnt able to stay home alone...DP/DR was overwhelming me...

So a 45 minutes panick attack leaded me to the ER where they gave me Xanax...wich multiplied by 10 ALL my symptoms...including DP/DR.
I got so sick I could not even walk for 2 weeks, had terrible panick attacks, I heard a 1000 times my death's bell !
I was slowly dying in my mind, darkness was making it's way through my core...
Then I stopped the Xanax...buckled your comes the withdrawal symptoms :

Excitability (jumpiness, restlessness)
Insomnia, nightmares, other sleep disturbances
Increased anxiety, panic attacks
Agoraphobia, social phobia
Perceptual distortions
Depersonalisation, derealisation
Hallucinations, misperceptions
Paranoid thoughts
Rage, aggression, irritability
Poor memory and concentration
Intrusive memories

Pain/stiffness - (limbs, back, neck, teeth, jaw)
Tingling, numbness, altered sensation - (limbs, face, trunk)
Weakness ("jelly-legs")
Fatigue, influenza-like symptoms
Muscle twitches, jerks, tics, "electric shocks"
Dizziness, light-headedness, poor balance
Blurred/double vision, sore or dry eyes
Hypersensitivity - (light, sound, touch, taste, smell)
Gastrointestinal symptoms - (nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea,
constipation, pain, distension, difficulty swallowing)
Appetite/weight change
Dry mouth, metallic taste, unusual smell
Urinary difficulties/menstrual difficulties
Skin rashes, itching

For 6 months into pure Hell...

I'm now 8 months off the Xanax and getting better...still having some symptoms like dizziness, vertigo, heart palpitations, off-balance, pre-syncope feelings, tremors, fear and others. Along with my normal DP/Dr symptoms...

I've been so bed ridden that I can't actually walk for 10 minutes without feeling faint or aching leg...and it throws the withdrawal symptoms back at me as soon as I try to exercisse.
If I go to bed late...I feel like at my firsts months of withdrawal too.
I feel like my body is sick like a person that have cancer...

But slowly...I'm getting back on my feet, hoping. Wishing upon a star that I will get better...

And after all this...I beleive I will be able to overcome DP/DR more easily...
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