[Scattered]

I wondering if these thoughts ring a bell. I have a hard time describing them but perhaps I'll throw out a few concepts to see if anything sticks. Sometimes I feel as if the moment I'm living is either a memory or is simply not occuring. Its some sort of negation of the current experience I'm going through. I'll just sit there and think to myself that maybe this is simply not occuring, or has occured at a different time and I'm reliving it. I think this comes out of a desperate need to escape from a threatening reality. Its scary, however, sometimes easier to simply believe that its not occuring or is not real, or happened in the past thereby relinquishing any current responsibility for something I have no control over.

Why? A horrible question that can rarely be answered. Why is this happening? Why am I involved? Why am I who I am? How do things occur and then simply cease to exist. How can I be driving in my car one minute and then the next I park, and am no longer driving as if nothing has happened? How does time and experience go from not existing, to being brought into existence, to inevitably fade into nothing?

Whats the point if I will inevitably exist in a future decades from now where I am old and gray, where my body is beginning to lose its energy and its health. How can I look at life as anything other than an unfortunate situation where I am a slave to an unceasing forward movement of time that brings everything into a state of decay?

 

[enigma]

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[enigma]

I wondering if these thoughts ring a bell. I have a hard time describing them but perhaps I'll throw out a few concepts to see if anything sticks. Sometimes I feel as if the moment I'm living is either a memory or is simply not occuring. Its some sort of negation of the current experience I'm going through. I'll just sit there and think to myself that maybe this is simply not occuring, or has occured at a different time and I'm reliving it. I think this comes out of a desperate need to escape from a threatening reality. Its scary, however, sometimes easier to simply believe that its not occuring or is not real, or happened in the past thereby relinquishing any current responsibility for something I have no control over.

Seriously though, ditto to all of the above Scattered.

I was in the hardware store this afternoon getting my mom's Mother's Day present when I felt this temporal disconnect.

I had to remind myself that it was here and now in order to gain some stability and not bump into anybody with the Ames Lawn Buddy I was lugging with me.

It was frightening. Being on the edge of a mishap like that.

Having to willfully force myself back into the present moment.

You stated it very elequently.

e