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I have posted here before and got some help and thought I was recovering but I'm not. I feel like an emotionless robot that does not comprehend life. I want to feel something but I can't. I want to cry but I can't. My brain just won't cooperate. Everything about life feels strange.

It didn't use to be like that. I remember as a kid being happy. But that feels like such a long time ago. I'm 26 now. I don't know if it was because of my crippling OCD or being bullied as a kid but my emotions just gradually eroded into nothingness. Now I'm apathetic about everything. I feel I do not understand the concept of happiness or love. I can't comprehend morality. About why should I care about anyone, including myself. It all feels so strange and alien to me now. All I do is stay in my room and play video games now and I don't derive much pleasure from that and recently I can't even focus on games anymore because I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me.

I want to cry but am unable to. I feel like I just realized that nothing actually makes sense and nothing matters. And I will never be able to go back to who I used to be. My life is just so empty.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone been through this before and came out ok? I feel like my troubles are unique to me, like I somehow fucked myself over and this is who I am now. I don't want to be this way but I can't feel.
 

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I thought I had already responded to this thread...

Oh well. I just wanted to say it sounds like DP, though it's always hard to tell because our subjective experiences are all different. But it sounds very familiar.
 

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I have posted here before and got some help and thought I was recovering but I'm not. I feel like an emotionless robot that does not comprehend life. I want to feel something but I can't. I want to cry but I can't. My brain just won't cooperate. Everything about life feels strange.

It didn't use to be like that. I remember as a kid being happy. But that feels like such a long time ago. I'm 26 now. I don't know if it was because of my crippling OCD or being bullied as a kid but my emotions just gradually eroded into nothingness. Now I'm apathetic about everything. I feel I do not understand the concept of happiness or love. I can't comprehend morality. About why should I care about anyone, including myself. It all feels so strange and alien to me now. All I do is stay in my room and play video games now and I don't derive much pleasure from that and recently I can't even focus on games anymore because I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me.

I want to cry but am unable to. I feel like I just realized that nothing actually makes sense and nothing matters. And I will never be able to go back to who I used to be. My life is just so empty.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone been through this before and came out ok? I feel like my troubles are unique to me, like I somehow fucked myself over and this is who I am now. I don't want to be this way but I can't feel.
I relate to all of it bro. I just want to cry and scream out loud just to feel for one second that my life sucks right now. DPDR is a BIZARRE state of consciousness, it's like you're over aware of everything and analyzing everything, but the connection with it all is lost, like far far gone. I know it's hard to fight for your recovery everyday, because it doesnt even feel like your own recovery you're fighting for.

But i can give you some hope after all. I once recovered from this before and that time i was asking the same questions you are asking right now. I didnt gave myself enough love that time so i relapsed, but that doesnt mean that anybody else should be relapsing. The most important thing is to go out of your room, go to friends, college, work i dont know.

Just say to yourself: okay i'm probably stuck in this 'movie' for a little while longer, i might as well enjoy it. I know it seems nearly impossible to do that, but you gotta try man, everyday. About the emotional recovery, you could wait for your feelings to open up a bit more while going out a bit more, otherwise you should start looking for a good therapist.

Playing video games all day and feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help you at all. Go out there, confront your fears. You'll see over the course of a couple months that you made progress, because recovery won't come in a week. You HAVE to fight for it.

To give you some perspective of my own situation, i'm feeling the same as you right now (also sitting in my room playing video games), but i know deep down that its not going to help me and only will get me through the day. So i'm about to do something waaaay out of my comfort zone next week lol. Im going skiing with my family. Well, to be honest i'm pretty anxious about it, but at the same time, what do i have to lose? Skiing is probably pretty weird while being DPDRed, but i'll find out.

Long story short, there is nothing wrong with you and you will be your ''old'' self in due time, but you have to believe in it for it to come true. Set some goals and try to do more every day. Hang in there man, good luck!
 

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Another Dutchie here. I dont really know if I conpletely get what youre trying to say but I do recognize the things you say.
I at the moment feel trapped in a feeling like nothing matters. Its not really thoughts or rumination about if things make sense. It just doesnt feel right to go about life or anything. I feel a kind of resistance because it really feels freaking scary to go about life while feeling like its all meaningless (and fake).. I dont really have the thoughts. It FEELS existentially meaningless and scary (for no reason obviously). Its also not really typical anxiety or depression. Its just freaking WEIRD..

I also have kinda severe brainfog, but its not really brainfog.. Its worse, cant explain it really.. Its something in between severe brainfog and "vision pressure"..
 
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