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Hi I'm new here but I have been feeling dp & dr for a few months now. I think I've always had anxiety but I was just never aware of what it was. I had a panic attack and after that I started feeling very weird and this was the time I had to go back to school. I remebr driving and just feeling like everything was so blurry.. I would sit in class and feel so zoned out and have the weirdest vision. Also I was super anxious just being in class. This terrified me and that week I started experiencing derealization and I felt completely off. I remebr looking at my family and they looked like strangers, my house was foreign to me. The world looked fake. I almost felt scared to be awake, so I would try to sleep as much as I could to not feel this. Anyway then I started experiencing dp and in my opinion this is so much worse than dr. Before dp I knew who I was, I had a personality, I felt connected to my body. Now it's like the world is so fake and my body feels fake too. I feel like I'm just thoughts and I have no real personality. I'm scared of losing control of myself, my mind, my actions, about never getting better, or getting worse, I've had thoughts about ending up in a mental hospital. And I even question whether I even have dpdr or I'm just psychotic or have a worse mental illness. I also have horrible memory. I can remember things from my past but I don't feel like those things happened to me, I also can't remember life before dpdr started. Like I can't recall the feeling of just living and not feeling this. Before this started I wasn't the most social or outgoing person but I was happy for the most part. Now I don't even know who I am. That's very scary for me. I just don't understand how we can be alive and "living" but not feel like it.i would love some of your feedback. Take care everyone.
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