[Matteo20]

Hi guys, I know this post that I make will most likely not help me in what I am experiencing but I am writing this in hopes of somehow connecting with others who

possibly are experiencing similar things and by doing so maybe I can feel less alone. I guess the primary reason I am writing this is cause I have been experiencing

some symptoms that I feel others might not experience. I am going to list them below and if anyone can relate if you can just drop a comment it would help.

my thoughts consist around the idea I am going insane because I feel so unreal but I am also heavily questioning life and existence. my Brain creates scenarios at rates so fast

sometimes I feel like at any moment I am about to lose it ... some of them are as follow:

-Life isn't real, you're alone and all this pain and mental suffering you're feeling wont go away cause you're alone in a simulation and there is no real cure.

-Constant intrusive thoughts about losing control and harming myself or others and other thoughts.

- Im in hell

-I will feel like this forever and no meds will help me.

-I have nightmares or dream that are about me being in a simulation and I wake up in complete terror.

and some other...

The hardest part is when I look at my son and gf I feel like I dont know them and it is killing me I cry almost everyday and honestly I don't know what to do anymore, Any tips or advice would help.

 

[Stay Young]

Hey dude,

You are not going insane. I have been searching this forum for months to check my own symptoms, compare my own experiences and I can totally relate to what you're going through. I am no expert and please do not take this as advice as I can only tell you my experience so far. But when my anxiety of all these new symptoms of terrifying unreality started to manifest to a point that I thought I was literally losing my mind and that I would have to tell my wife who was heavily pregnant at the time that I may need psychiatric help or worse (hospitalisation), I panicked even harder and decided to take myself to the doctors the next morning. I tried to explain what these alien feelings were but I knew I sounded crazy, but just put them all in the anxiety box - as did my doctor who reassured me that I'm not going insane but thought I was experiencing severe anxiety. Which of course I was but it wasn't clear that it was DP at that time.

Anyway I was so scared of my own mind and my ever loosening grip on reality and my life at that point that I asked the doctor to prescribe me with an SSRI for back up if things got too much for me like they had done the night before.

She prescribed me 20mg of Fluoextine (prozac) as she said it had the least side effects and would have combat the obsessive thoughts I had about my anxiety.

I was hesitant to take them as I hadn't ever taken any antidepressant before so I managed another week before I eventually gave in an knew I needed something to help me at least get through the next few months, so I took my first pill and was scared that I would feel worse for a while (as you are warned can happen).

But actually as soon as I took that first pill my anxiety felt blocked to a specific level which was more manageable than the day before.

So I kept taking them and each day very gradually got a little better than the day before. I kept taking them until about 4 or 5 months later when I finally found a therapeutic feeling and felt my anxiety had completely gone.

This was a massive relief for me as I had welcomed our first child in to the world and I was just happy to know I was no longer going insane.

I decided to wane myself off the pills after 9 months of taking them as I felt a lot better and didn't want to become reliant... but more so because I suspected the pills were limiting my emotions.

After 3 months of being off the pills I was still left with this emotional numbness. And thats when I started researching what I had gone through/still going through and stumbled across Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder and this website.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is because I'm 18 months in to this ordeal and although I'm still stuck in the grips of this awful condition emotionally (or without emotion), I remember how frightened I was when I first experienced the feelings you describe, and want to assure you that as scared and confused you feel right now, your worst fears of going insane or doing something stupid will not and cannot come true. Its just a typical process of DPDR.

What I have discovered is that there are so many varied experienced of this condition on this forum and the length of time sufferers experience these horrible symptoms.

As I said, I'm still affected but to lesser degreen than when I was first experiencing... mainly the emotional numbness rather than the other prominent symptoms you may feel.

What I'd advise is to read as many recovery stories on here as you can that resonate with your own story and focus on the positives. Easier said than done as I still have negative thoughts that I won't be able to feel love again or experience my full range of emotions etc but there's plenty of recovery stories and YouTube videos to dispel that way of thinking.

I have only posted 1 message on here earlier this week on the Introduce Yourself page and don't feel like I'm experienced enough or knowlegdable enough to comment on anyone else's posts, but seeing your line about your son and gf is what made me want to reach out to you as I know exactly how you feel and how heartbreakingly devastating it feels towards the people you know you love the most in life.

Hang in there though bro as we have to have every faith that this is just as shit period of life we have to navigate through but we will get through it and we'll appreciate life in its full connectedness once we're fully attached again.

I hope some of that has made you feel a little less alone and know others are going through similar stuff dude.

Wishing you all the best for recovery.

 

[Matteo20]

Hey dude,

You are not going insane. I have been searching this forum for months to check my own symptoms, compare my own experiences and I can totally relate to what you're going through. I am no expert and please do not take this as advice as I can only tell you my experience so far. But when my anxiety of all these new symptoms of terrifying unreality started to manifest to a point that I thought I was literally losing my mind and that I would have to tell my wife who was heavily pregnant at the time that I may need psychiatric help or worse (hospitalisation), I panicked even harder and decided to take myself to the doctors the next morning. I tried to explain what these alien feelings were but I knew I sounded crazy, but just put them all in the anxiety box - as did my doctor who reassured me that I'm not going insane but thought I was experiencing severe anxiety. Which of course I was but it wasn't clear that it was DP at that time.

Anyway I was so scared of my own mind and my ever loosening grip on reality and my life at that point that I asked the doctor to prescribe me with an SSRI for back up if things got too much for me like they had done the night before.

She prescribed me 20mg of Fluoextine (prozac) as she said it had the least side effects and would have combat the obsessive thoughts I had about my anxiety.

I was hesitant to take them as I hadn't ever taken any antidepressant before so I managed another week before I eventually gave in an knew I needed something to help me at least get through the next few months, so I took my first pill and was scared that I would feel worse for a while (as you are warned can happen).

But actually as soon as I took that first pill my anxiety felt blocked to a specific level which was more manageable than the day before.

So I kept taking them and each day very gradually got a little better than the day before. I kept taking them until about 4 or 5 months later when I finally found a therapeutic feeling and felt my anxiety had completely gone.

This was a massive relief for me as I had welcomed our first child in to the world and I was just happy to know I was no longer going insane.

I decided to wane myself off the pills after 9 months of taking them as I felt a lot better and didn't want to become reliant... but more so because I suspected the pills were limiting my emotions.

After 3 months of being off the pills I was still left with this emotional numbness. And thats when I started researching what I had gone through/still going through and stumbled across Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder and this website.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is because I'm 18 months in to this ordeal and although I'm still stuck in the grips of this awful condition emotionally (or without emotion), I remember how frightened I was when I first experienced the feelings you describe, and want to assure you that as scared and confused you feel right now, your worst fears of going insane or doing something stupid will not and cannot come true. Its just a typical process of DPDR.

What I have discovered is that there are so many varied experienced of this condition on this forum and the length of time sufferers experience these horrible symptoms.

As I said, I'm still affected but to lesser degreen than when I was first experiencing... mainly the emotional numbness rather than the other prominent symptoms you may feel.

What I'd advise is to read as many recovery stories on here as you can that resonate with your own story and focus on the positives. Easier said than done as I still have negative thoughts that I won't be able to feel love again or experience my full range of emotions etc but there's plenty of recovery stories and YouTube videos to dispel that way of thinking.

I have only posted 1 message on here earlier this week on the Introduce Yourself page and don't feel like I'm experienced enough or knowlegdable enough to comment on anyone else's posts, but seeing your line about your son and gf is what made me want to reach out to you as I know exactly how you feel and how heartbreakingly devastating it feels towards the people you know you love the most in life.

Hang in there though bro as we have to have every faith that this is just as shit period of life we have to navigate through but we will get through it and we'll appreciate life in its full connectedness once we're fully attached again.

I hope some of that has made you feel a little less alone and know others are going through similar stuff dude.

Wishing you all the best for recovery.

Through-out the day I checked my post frequently to see if anyone commented man and it was distressing for sure before I left for work seeing nobody comment. But I want to thank you for taking

the time to write this message to me. Getting home and seeing this helped me more then you know, as you know this still will linger for sometime even after reading this but in the moment it helps alot

to see people who can relate to my situation, It for sure is frightening, each day is a massive battle but we will get through this. I will keep you in my prayers man. THANK YOU again!

 

[Stay Young]

You're more than welcome. I'm glad that my reply has helped you know you're not alone. If it gets too much then I would definitely see your doctor and either consider medication to help you or see a counsellor. There are plenty of stories of people getting through this without the use of medication but I know for me that I needed something to help tolerate the crippling anxiety. But if I had known what exactly I was experiencing at the time that this was DPDR and it cannot progress in to something more severe then perhaps that would have given me the encouragement I needed not to try medication. Keep trying to engage in as many things as you can without over pressuring or overwhelming yourself. That's easier said than done with this whole year of lockdowns we've had in the UK but hopefully soon we can start living life more fuller and we can start to slowly break free from the grips of DPDR. All the best my man!

 

[whataraindyday]

Hey!
I'm sorry that you have to go through this as well, but I want to let you know, that you're not alone - although it probably feels like that... ayour biggest fears are also my biggest fears. I feel like I'm loosing control and my sanity and this makes feel so sad and depressed... The feeling as nothings gonna ever change makes me tear up. I'm scared I have to live in this hell forever, if I want develope a psychosis before... And what bothers me the most, is that I don't know a thing I could do... I feel like I'm only going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Anyways I know deep down that things WILL get better eventually and I want you to know that! You're not alone! Keep going!