[M A R S]

It's getting harder and harder each day to go on.

Along with all the other problems i have such as DP/DR and PTSD i have a herniated disk. Well i aggravated it this week and its killing me. But its also making me not able to do things to keep my mind off of my anxiety issues.

I cant stand for more than 10 minutes with out crushing pain. I don't bother to take Advil because its useless. My Dr will not give me any narcotic pain killers.

I feel like I'm in a dream and I'm lost. Things seem to slip further and further away. I walk around and feel like I'm about t tip over. My eyes are crossing. I feel lost and alone.

Any sound in my home makes me jump in the air. If i see my wife in the hallway i jump. My dog barks and jump out of my skin. I drive my car and i feel like at any second i'm going to crash in to other traffic.

My wife is fed up. I tell her I'm freaking out and she now just says "It the same thing every day, your always freaking out"

I just have no support at all. She cant even take 5 minutes to sit with me. As soon as i say that I'm freaking out or scared, she just walks away.

I'm dizzy and just feel like shit, my mind is gone. I feel like I'm seconds away from just switching off. My body is fat and broken.

I don't even drink anymore because that's useless to.

Most if not all of the people in my life think I'm a cry baby and that I'm full of shit. They tell me to just stop. This only makes it worse. My Psych is useless the meds are garbage. I DON'T FEEL REAL!!!!

Even as i type this is don't feel like this is real. I feel like this is it for the rest of my life.

 

[Sojourner]

This is precisely the point at which many people cry out to the universe for help and Someone answers. You have nothing to lose, do you? Sounds like you are at the end of your rope. Why not try it and see what happens?

Normally, I would suggest seeing your doctor, but it appears you are not getting helped.

===

One thing I want to make clear: If God answers you, it's not like he's going to perform a miracle, although showing up at all would probably be one for you -- he's going to give you the strength you need to do what you have to do. And you won't feel alone anymore.

 

[M A R S]

I have already asked god to take my hand and guide me, i told god that I'm powerless over my anxiety.

No luck.

 

[Sojourner]

Keep at it, spaceplex. Don't give up. Do you have friends who are believers, perhaps? Are you a member of a parish or church?

 

[M A R S]

I have a god, that's as far as it goes for me. Nature is my church.

 

[Sojourner]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... 9?v=glance

Spaceplex, please buy this book and read it.

 

[M A R S]

I looked it up on the net, borders said they had it in stock.. i want there and they did not. THIS JUST LETS ME KNOW IM ALONE. FUCK THIS WORLD.

It took all my strength to drive to that place and I'm out of fuck again....

IM NOT REAL, I'm having hot flashes all day long for the past 3 days. I'm a man.

I'm just going to let my mind end and see whats next. I JUST WANT TO CRY!

I WANT TO GIVE UP---
EDIT:

Sorry about that.. I was freaking out, But HOW will this book help mt DP/DR? I have read many of the reviews and i think ill buy it. Its hard for me because even $6 is a lot to me right now. So i don't want to throw money in the trash.

 

[Sojourner]

PM me your address and I'll send you my copy.