My DPDR has been plaguing me on and off (mostly on) for the last 16 months. Each wave of it feels worse or different than the last. I’ve developed a new symptom which I find absolutely petrifying and have never felt such a threat towards my sanity, it makes all the other standard symptoms of DPDR seem like no problem at all.
I’ll try and explain it as best I can, but it’s so hard to describe as it’s such a unique (and horrifying) experience. It happens mostly when I wake up. I get this weird feeling in my head where it suddenly becomes empty. Whatever I was thinking about goes and the strength of my thoughts go really weak and I lose myself. It’s like when you’re lifting something heavy and your muscles can’t hold it anymore and you drop it. It’s like that but inside my head, I can’t “think” anymore because I run out of strength in my head and all my inner thoughts, feelings and actual brain suddenly become hollow.
When this happens I officially feel finished. Everything seems completely pointless and I feel like my life is done, I don’t even feel the motivation to think of anything, let alone live my life like a normal person would. It literally makes a wave of sheer burning and sinking dark terror flood through my body making me experience nothing but extreme panic and I’ve never felt so beaten. It’s like in that moment that I “know” that I’m not going to get better and all the remaining connection that I had to myself and reality is officially gone, leaving everything truly meaningless. I don’t even want to sleep now because I can’t bare to wake with that feeling. I’m so scared, please help
Note: I’ve been on SSRI’s etc for years and they don’t work, which makes me feel even more helpless.
I’ll try and explain it as best I can, but it’s so hard to describe as it’s such a unique (and horrifying) experience. It happens mostly when I wake up. I get this weird feeling in my head where it suddenly becomes empty. Whatever I was thinking about goes and the strength of my thoughts go really weak and I lose myself. It’s like when you’re lifting something heavy and your muscles can’t hold it anymore and you drop it. It’s like that but inside my head, I can’t “think” anymore because I run out of strength in my head and all my inner thoughts, feelings and actual brain suddenly become hollow.
When this happens I officially feel finished. Everything seems completely pointless and I feel like my life is done, I don’t even feel the motivation to think of anything, let alone live my life like a normal person would. It literally makes a wave of sheer burning and sinking dark terror flood through my body making me experience nothing but extreme panic and I’ve never felt so beaten. It’s like in that moment that I “know” that I’m not going to get better and all the remaining connection that I had to myself and reality is officially gone, leaving everything truly meaningless. I don’t even want to sleep now because I can’t bare to wake with that feeling. I’m so scared, please help
Note: I’ve been on SSRI’s etc for years and they don’t work, which makes me feel even more helpless.
