Hi everybody!
After years of browsing the internet I came over this site. Can anybody tell me if my condition is actually depersonalization/derealization? This is my story:
I`ve been diagnosed with depression 10 years ago, at 24. After 4-5 types of antidepressants that didn`t work I was prescribed Amitriptilyne and Medazepam. I was taking 50mg/day Amitriptyline and 10mg/day Medazepam for 8 years and feeling mostly good. Piritinol also helped. Had a very active happy life. One year ago I began to taper off since I wanted to become pregnant. It was extremely tough although the dosage of both meds was kind of low. Still not pregnant but on 10mg now for 2 months and feeling bad for almost a year now. Never had suicidal thoughts but I forget things, my ideas are poor, have low vitality, can`t concentrate and live like in a glass ball that makes me feel any exterior sign attenuated, like in a dream. I need to wake up! I keep on filling all kind of tests(behavioral therapy) to find out where/if my attitude/behavior towards events in my life it`s negative and the answer that there is nothing bad with my attitude/behavior keeps on coming back. I don`t actually feel sad or depressed. I don`t know what to correct and to what problem to find the solution. I couldn`t detect the event that triggered this condition in order to deal with it. There is nothing that points out to depression of mine except for these symptoms. None of the people I know can tell that I have this problem, I do not think or act odd in any way.
I have a ``parasite`` sensation/thought that keeps on altering all the others, the sensation of glass wall between me and the rest of the world no matter if I do things I like or not. I try on concentrating to external signs but after a while I get tired. I get to feel better only late in the afternoon...and also use to sleep too much.
Tried all nonmedical solutions: Omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins etc but they failed on long term. I should be happy with my life with no reasons whatsoever for feeling this way. I need help, I`m so tired of feeling this way. All doctors I saw told me my ``depression`` it`s not severe and should have cured after few months; it never happened. Therapy (traditional) didn`t help me at all. It`s not as much feeling low as all these symptoms coming back again and again to stay.
I really need to talk to somebody who is in same situation as me.
Sunflower
