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Hey guys i'm not sad or upset that I may or may not have depersonalisation. I honestly don't know I have it or maybe I just don't care anymore. I don't think about it.

The thing is I don't remember what I felt like when I was "normal." I think once you get it there is no way to 100% go back to the way you were, right? I've seen people say this. I do feel normal. I'm fine. But I don't feel the same as I once used to. ????

Like before there was so much peace and connection. Life was so easy and carefree and nice and comfortable and people do take it for granted. So yeah. I would like someone to explain this to me. Thank you.
 

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Hi! I would recommend you to watch this video. I had the exact same fear a while ago, and this was really the only thing that calmed me down. Trust me, you will feel normal again :)

 

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Yes, you will completely feel normal again, some feel normal to the point where they cannot even remember what DP felt like most of the time. It will cease to be an issue, eventually. It takes time and work and examination of your behaviors and relationships with people, your motives for your actions, etc., for things to come together but yes you will feel incredible after all that. But...will things go back as BEFORE? Actually, no. They will never go back. You will never be 15 again. You will never be again the person who can carry on with a collection of behaviors that are so untrue to yourself and dishonest, and feel no consequence for it. You will have something much BETTER than you had before. You will not want to go back. You will feel more real and connected than you did, more confident, more sure of who you are and what you want, but it must be earned. And it takes acceptance of where you are now, that you are not in top form, that you are not feeling like yourself, etc, and treating yourself kindly while you heal. You don't have to accept it, actually - but it's a lot easier when you do. It's a lot easier also to accept when you know there is a way out and many people on here (myself included) do not suffer anymore.

I think my biggest worry was not knowing WHEN recovery would happen. That was the biggest problem. I wanted certainty. I wanted to know the future. I didn't like surprises. In any area of my life. If I dated someone, I wanted to KNOW if we were meant to be together. I feel sorry for anyone I dated back then. You can't know anything. But you can have the assurance that it is possible to recover. Just...not today. So, today, watch a movie if you can or have a nice meal with your family or hell, buy something you like and treat yourself - give yourself a bit of happiness and stop punishing yourself into recovery.
 

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Additionally, there are volumes of recovery stories on this site now. I remember when I had this initially, this board did not yet exist and there was another board and it was much harder to follow (early websites/HTML days) and if you were lucky you could happen on a recovery story and that was REALLY discouraging because you really wondered if anybody recovered from this?!?! But this site now has receipts! You can go to the recovery stories and see years and years of people recovering and it's such a different playing field. Hundreds. I mean, I was luckier than someone who had DP in the 1970s when there were only some self-help books to guide you along, or god forbid dp in the 1800s when you would have been mis-labeled as crazy (you are not, but society is cruel like that). So I was somewhat blessed. But there are many many avenues available today. Some recovered medically, some were really good at focusing on other things, some swear by exercise (I am lazy as hell and really have to convince myself to do such a practice, and still recovered), some did therapy, some did 12 step stuff (if they also suffered from an addiciton which is common here), some grew spiritually which helped them. For me it was learning how to deal with life, realizing there was a way how to do things in life and becoming humble and willing to learn them rather than trying to know it all myself. Among other things. I think the self-acutalization route is the most rewarding. Sure, it would be nice to take a pill and have it go away, and that is pretty lucky, but I find this even better. (I did benefit greatly from medicine. It was useful to help me sleep, focus, stay calm when I needed so I could go to therapy/school/etc. Sometimes we need a crutch because we are sick and sick people need crutches and that is OK!)
 
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