Okay. DP according to Janine Baker, lol
No, the experience of BEING Depersonalized is not an illusion. There is something very real that happens inside the mind once we start watching ourselves SO closely. Dp itself, the first blip of it, is a transitory state - it lasts a few seconds and wafts off. We, however, being the way we are, become so IMMERSED in the terrifying and odd experience that it's like we CATCH the dp by the tail and tie it down to the porch. It would have been a high flying bird that moved past the window almost as fast as one could notice it, but we became/become so REACTIVE to the sudden disorientation that we have tied it to our way of being.
The continual inward looking (self-monitoring, ruminations, questioning/pondering meaning of reality, etc.) LOCKS it in as the main way of consciousness. It's as if we have taken an ALTERED and highly temporary state of consciousness and NAILED it into place as our default.
It's not that we WANT to be dp'd, but we are so misguided - and simultaneously so stubborn - we insist on doing this OUR way, to insist upon trying to find the answer, to grasp our condition, to watch ourselves as we experience it and to try to watch ourselves get OUT of it....and that is precisely what keeps us IN it.
Yes, something physical happens in the mind when anyone locks into an altered state of consciousness. But that does not mean that anything was/is WRONG with the way the brain works. Meds sometimes help simply because they can force the mind to LET go of the obsessing for a bit - and that relaxes the self enough to allow the ordinary state of consciousness to return for a bit. But if we KEEP obsessing and self-monitoring, no med in the world can counteract it.
IMagine that you went to the doctor for profuse bleeding on your legs. You say the problem is the bleeding and ask for somethign to stop the bleeding. Turns out, you are taking little needles and scratching your legs several times a day. What med is going to stop this pesky blood from dripping down your pants?
WE MUST FORCE OURSELVES to direct all our psychic energy and cognitive attention to ANYTHING besides the self (and our symptoms and how we feel). That includes putting attention away from the questions about the meaning of existence, infinity, reality, etc....
IF we can force our attention away from self - and do it LONG enough and CONSISTENTLY enough - chances are the dp will fade.
But....we, stubborn to our core, do not want to do it that way. We want to find out WHY the dp is here, what causes dp, what dp 'means' and how to understand it and explain it in detail to the professional we believe should be able to take it away. THAT DOES NOT WORK.
But all that said, DP is not "illusion" - it is real. We alter our own brain chemistry when we become severely symptomatic - anxiety, depression, obsessive rumination, etc....ALL those including DP can make the brain react differently than it used to. But that change is not permanent.
I am telling you, people, the more you surrender to being fascinated with your symptoms, the harder it is going to be to get out of it. We need to say "wow, this is so creepy.." and then no more. FORCE attention onto something else...even if you continue to feel horrific.
That is the way out.
ANd.........I know that is not the way out that we WANT.
I was as stubborn as you guys. And I paid the price, too.
