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My (ex)partner with which I still live has DP/DR.

He was the perfect partner util he suddenly became mean, egoist, lier... and he betrayed me with another girl.

He keeps saying he loves me but he did it because he wasn't able to feel anything and he was trying to see if he could feel something. (Actually he tried in 3 occasions).

Somedays he is very lovely with me and I want to come back with him and help him. Some other days he is mean and doesn't seem to understand how much pain and suffer he caused (and still causes) me. I was betrayed for the person I most love(d) and trusted.

I need some advice from you. Just to understand if it is possible to, because of this illness, to suddenly be mean to the people you (are supposed to) love.

I am not able to take any decission on what to do because I don't even recognise him. Am I being stupid? Is he being a complete asshole and keeps justifying his acts just to keep me around but not loving me?
Help! I need to understand this DPD mind...
 

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He had it twice and came out of it before.

Then he got it again like 9 months before he met me. So yes, he had it the whole time he has been with me.

Starting with me made him feel a lot better. Almost fine. And then after two years he started having so much stress at work along with other issues and DPD turned to drastically increase. Then he cheated at me and that's when he told me about the whole DPD thing. Like 6 months ago now.
 

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I'm really not too sure what to think of it. As someone with DPDR, I can 'understand' the reason why he would do that, but that's still not an okay thing to do, with the condition or not. The lying and cheating overall isn't healthy for you guys or the relationship. What do you plan on doing?

Also to answer your question, I've become more casual with lying to the point that I lie on impulse to certain things though I don't mean it.
 

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Jedi Knight
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This sounds like a cop out more than anything -- I mean DPDR certainly affects emotions, but it doesn't compel anyones actions and it sounds to me like he's using it as an excuse.

Only you can decide whether this relationship is or isn't the right thing, but I'd suggest that you need to establish boundaries with regards to how you are willing to be treated. This has wider implications than just your relationship with your boyfriend -- it also has effects on everyday relationships with others and the degree of self respect that you have.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
So then he did it again...

But this is the last time. I kicked him out of the house.

Now he is crying and begging me to stay with him as the only supports he has with his illness.He wants us to come back to our country and start a new life away from his demons and people who are a bad influence. He swears I need to give him a time to prove that he will change and be the same nice person he was before being so ill and lost. That he will go to doctors and do whatever they told him.

But he lost his opportunities. He broke me in pieces and made me think that I don't want to be nice and trust and help anyone else in my life.

Why am I writing this here?
Because if there is someone here like him, being in a relationship but not feeling or being mean with the other person, not understanding your feelings... Please don't be such an idiot and do things well. Don't destroy the person that may be the only support you have in this nightmare.

People around you it is real and we do feel.
 
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