Does thinking about dp cause dp, or does dp cause thinking about dp? It's kind of a pointless cycle to ponder, but as dps, ponder we will. I think it's a combo deal.
Once upon a time in therapy, my therapist kept telling me that I had a tape playing over and over in my head that told me I wasn't good enough, I wasn't smart enough, and dog-gonnit, people don't like me. He kept telling me to change the tape. I have to change the tape to say that I am worthwhile, I'm not crazy, I'm happy, blah blah blah and all that. "You have to change the tape to get better." "It's the tape that you keep playing in your head." "When that tape plays, you need to tell it to stop." "You need to make a tape that doesn't hurt you, but makes you better." Enough with the damn tape already! Wow, flashback....
Any way, somehow, and I wish I could tell you how, I figured out how to change the tape. The tape still sticks. I still get a loop going over and over and over in my head. I believe this is chemical, as anti-depressants do help improve it, and therapy doesn't so much. But what is on the tape, that has changed a fair amount. I don't tell myself what a messed up person I am any more. In other words: my tape player is a bit broken, but I'm the one who chooses which tape I have to listen to over and over and over again. If I focus on the dp, then it will be the "I have dp" tape playing my head. That tape tends to cause a lot of anxiety and distress, which causes me to focus more on my dp, which causes more anxiety and distress, which I often try to do without, cuz it just sucks. But if I'm not focusing on dp, I'm still focusing on something, because the focusing on things, that's just how I am. Make sense? I didn't think so.....
Once upon a time in therapy, my therapist kept telling me that I had a tape playing over and over in my head that told me I wasn't good enough, I wasn't smart enough, and dog-gonnit, people don't like me. He kept telling me to change the tape. I have to change the tape to say that I am worthwhile, I'm not crazy, I'm happy, blah blah blah and all that. "You have to change the tape to get better." "It's the tape that you keep playing in your head." "When that tape plays, you need to tell it to stop." "You need to make a tape that doesn't hurt you, but makes you better." Enough with the damn tape already! Wow, flashback....
Any way, somehow, and I wish I could tell you how, I figured out how to change the tape. The tape still sticks. I still get a loop going over and over and over in my head. I believe this is chemical, as anti-depressants do help improve it, and therapy doesn't so much. But what is on the tape, that has changed a fair amount. I don't tell myself what a messed up person I am any more. In other words: my tape player is a bit broken, but I'm the one who chooses which tape I have to listen to over and over and over again. If I focus on the dp, then it will be the "I have dp" tape playing my head. That tape tends to cause a lot of anxiety and distress, which causes me to focus more on my dp, which causes more anxiety and distress, which I often try to do without, cuz it just sucks. But if I'm not focusing on dp, I'm still focusing on something, because the focusing on things, that's just how I am. Make sense? I didn't think so.....
