[Loonymama03]

I have had this issue with FP POV for a few months without realizing what it is I was suffering from. I was driving home the other night, and just started crying. I had the realization that no one I know and love would live till 2100. Now the anxiety of death and Fp view is like disabilitating me daily. I take Aripipiprizole for bi-polar depression, should I be on Xanax too?
I can only see through my own 2 eyes, I will never see through anyone else's eyes or pov. What happens when I die? Part of me just wants to end things just to see if I get a new pov. Then I start crying again. It's like a ferris wheel, round and round, every day. Why do I have this sudden pov problem. Why can't I focus on just 1 thing at a time. Why (as u read my post) does my thoughts jump around so much? I can't even enjoy having my 2 grandsons live with me, all I know is this pov and death obsession. Please someone help me see something else! Is this just my depression or is this dp/dr?

 

[retrobot]

Look I don't how things will get better or when, just keep going, I am literally crumbling every second.
As for the "what happens after death" this question is a OCD loop > even though I believe in GOD I have these thoughts also.... this is a byproduct of DP.


WF.

 

[Trith]

I had a similar feeling when I was in a lot of derealization. In my case it happened in a time when I was actively trying to feel more real and more normal, I was trying to touch things when walking outside, trying to have more contact with my perceptions, doing this kind of exercises and it was only making things 10 times worse. I started to feel a bit more real physically, but I didn't know where my mind would fit in the picture. There was a body, but I didn't know where the mind was supposed to be "located" in space. I had that same problem of being tormented by wanting to know why I had that mind in that body, it didn't make sense.
I realized (but that's really just in my case) that by trying to feel more real I had kind of tried to re-build my perception of reality by twisting my perceptions in the way I thought was closer to reality. It did do something but as it was all artificial I was just going into another weird reality that was simply different. I was worrying that I would never find the true reality again, as if I was lost in a maze.
Today I still have DR all the time but nowhere near to that level. Now I know that at that time I wasn't actually lost, there was no reality I had to actively find or make up, I was just stuck in a form of very uncomfortable experience. But especially at that time, no thinking or worrying or making experiments helped me to get better. At least it never did when I was in a moment of distress like that. It was actually making it worse. There was nothing in that experience that was useful, or that could be used to get out of the experience itself. Just like if I am terrified out of fear of height, I experience that huge "discomfort" but there is nothing inside of that experience of discomfort that will help me get out of it, no matter how weird or fucked up it is there is nothing interesting in it that will help me get out of it or that will help me prevent a danger or anything like this. At the same time, that worrying was part of the problem as well, and maybe I couldn't control it either. That's just my experience but I hope at least some elements of it might help you.