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A sadist darkened my childhood and at 9 yrs old, on Christmas Day, I couldn’t get away from the yelling from my family fighting and to save myself, I guess maybe I disassociated. I have my nine yr in a bright sunshiny room and I’m her protector. She’s my coping skill and I can go in the room and rock with her and relax. I normally don’t have feelings I don’t think, sometimes anger or intense anxiety, and I don’t attach to people. When I was young, I read books on how to read people, because I don’t really understand emotions, never been jealous. My actions tend to be planned or utilized to manipulate and benefit me. A friend said I was creepy because I interact with the 9 true love
 

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I'm sorry you feel this way, do you feel kinda numb? You give little away to be honest.

It's good you are reaching out, many people on this forum including me are open with all ears.

I dunno if you have seen a doctor/confirmed DP/age/TBH anything... if you wanna message me anytime, i am open, but i think this will help you...

https://www.docdroid.net/zIAJlG7/cds-state.pdf#page=3

Write all the questions and answers in percent (be honest with yourself of course) - Answer (say 2,100) divided by 2,200 x10 (that would be 95% btw) this will give you the percent, to me it's the best diagnoses i've ever got, it has shown me how far i've came and where i started and i've got officially diagnosed a few times but this is a lot more specific, plus if you write it down you know which areas need work type thing. I honestly believe only you know how you feel, how can a doctor tell you.. See how this fits and take it from there...
 

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I relate with this. I manipulate even when I don't mean too, just because I don't really understand how people work.I couldn't get away from the yelling in my family and the chaos,there was a person in my life who really damaged me when I was younger. So I escaped within myself, imagined a whole other world in my head with different people in them as a coping mechanism to relax.The most I ever feel is intense anger but I'm very disconnected from it all.
 

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I lost my emotions following an intense sequence of epileptic seizures as a teen. My EEGs remain abnormal to this day. Neurologists don't know exactly what it means for me, but I do. I had to learn to live by intellect alone.

In time, a percentage of my emotional feeling returned, but I remain different. A bit eccentric, a bit cerebral. Someone asked if memories acquired while dp'd were somehow different. I think so. Emotional context is part of

a memory. If it doesn't exist, then the memory is in black and white, rather than color. I never got to properly mourn the passing of my parents, for example. But, it's not all bad....and in 100 years, it will have made no

difference at all.
 
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