Hello everyone, I'm 24 years old, I Am Museology student, Manga designer and RPG programmer in idle hours. My History is long and i will short a little and if i do anything or post in wrong place please tell me.
Well, i have panic attacks since my 15 years, doing therapy, and last year i experienced depersonalization\derealization for 5 months(strangely no panick attack just dp\dr 24\7) With my routine of college helped passing the symptoms more the medication anti-depression paroxetine. Ok, but in the start this year my anxiety climbed again because the next phase of studies in the college is being hard. One day leaving the History of Art class my atheist friend argued about the gods and your inexistence etc etc (I was Wicca in that time).
I went for home thinking deeply about all around me, about my life, about religion, the sense of life, about astrology( I like), the humans and so i went search... and BOOOM i had crise existencial and DP\DR again and more stronger! But i have afraid because now i think strange things, i feel myself empty and the people, i started think what we are not nothing more what flesh and bone just moving. I am desconected with reality again or i truly go crazy now?
Because before i had my gods for hope, and now i doubt about everything until my shadow. I feel like this every single day 24/7 as you express. I have moments of despair, i am agnostic now, but sometimes i dont know anymore, what is the true, what's the point the everything? I stopped medication, i just take Rivotril for S.O.S moments and i will back for my psychiatrist in a few days and psychologist again.
I'm on vacation and i feel what i have more time to suffer with this, i pass the great time of the day in videogame, PC, in my room, alone, i dont have very friends, i never smoked nothing, drink one time. I feel like my life is bored, i wanted be a adventuress person, i feel a coward to life,i think my problem no has solution anymore and i cry for many hours.
Someone feel like me? extremely lost like you exist just in your head, i know i dont go be crazy, but i have afraid. Anybody ovecorme existencial crisis and dr\dp like this in this level? Please any tip i will thanks! I am Virgo with ascendant in Aquarius, for those who believe I am a very mental person hahaha sorry for the bad english i still learning,