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Introduction\My Experience\Help Request

1243 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  Omnismorss
Hello everyone, I'm 24 years old, I Am Museology student, Manga designer and RPG programmer in idle hours. My History is long and i will short a little and if i do anything or post in wrong place please tell me.

Well, i have panic attacks since my 15 years, doing therapy, and last year i experienced depersonalization\derealization for 5 months(strangely no panick attack just dp\dr 24\7) With my routine of college helped passing the symptoms more the medication anti-depression paroxetine. Ok, but in the start this year my anxiety climbed again because the next phase of studies in the college is being hard. One day leaving the History of Art class my atheist friend argued about the gods and your inexistence etc etc (I was Wicca in that time).

I went for home thinking deeply about all around me, about my life, about religion, the sense of life, about astrology( I like), the humans and so i went search... and BOOOM i had crise existencial and DP\DR again and more stronger! But i have afraid because now i think strange things, i feel myself empty and the people, i started think what we are not nothing more what flesh and bone just moving. I am desconected with reality again or i truly go crazy now?

Because before i had my gods for hope, and now i doubt about everything until my shadow. I feel like this every single day 24/7 as you express. I have moments of despair, i am agnostic now, but sometimes i dont know anymore, what is the true, what's the point the everything? I stopped medication, i just take Rivotril for S.O.S moments and i will back for my psychiatrist in a few days and psychologist again.

I'm on vacation and i feel what i have more time to suffer with this, i pass the great time of the day in videogame, PC, in my room, alone, i dont have very friends, i never smoked nothing, drink one time. I feel like my life is bored, i wanted be a adventuress person, i feel a coward to life,i think my problem no has solution anymore and i cry for many hours.

Someone feel like me? extremely lost like you exist just in your head, i know i dont go be crazy, but i have afraid. Anybody ovecorme existencial crisis and dr\dp like this in this level? Please any tip i will thanks! I am Virgo with ascendant in Aquarius, for those who believe I am a very mental person hahaha sorry for the bad english i still learning,
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Lemme tell you something, something im sure about: our mind is not prepared to think about this, trust in me, some time ago (3 years) i was playing in my computer by the midnight keep in mind i had no dp by this time, só i was playing and stopped to see my facebook and there was a link for the google mãos or earth o dont remember só i clicked and started to look, after 4 mins i started to scroll back till the time the APP was showing the entre planet in the universe só BOOM i had and extreme panic attack and the clássical out of body experience dp brings because i started to tough about how the earth was therr in the middle of nothing close to other planet in the middle of nothing insinde a galaxy in the middle of nothing and the existance and by the final... God what is god, who is god and the question that melted my mind: WHO created god. Tthis questiona have no answer, or maybe it have but i cant answer and you cant too, about your faith if you started to question your faith because your friend brings you a question about, só you never had FAITH you CAn understand? My english is poor, faith is much more a state of mind faith is almost like emotion, but its not like fanstism, fanstism is when you start to believe in something and close your mind about it faith is when you believe in something and keep your mind open for questions, faith brings peace fanstism bring rage, you know what make me more calm? Go out and grab a grass leaf a stone and some dust and thin k to yourself, your body is made by the same materiais, the earth and you are 1, you csnt live without the earth but when you die earh will make your body something to keep the balance, the armony thats how our universe work, with balance, thats something we humans know, but dont try to find impoasible answers distract yourself and keep in your mind this kind of questions in dp is normal but you do t neccessary NEED to keep making them, just distract and keep calm.
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By the way i botn in a catholic family, i was catholic till my 12 when i started to question my faith so when i was 18 i was completely cetic about any religion and i still do not believe in any religion, but i have faith in the balance of universe, i dont believe in a god like religion make you believe i believe this "god" its just this balance this might who keeps out universe working.
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