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Hi! I'm Heleena, and I've decided to join this support group to get some help for when I have bad dissociative "episodes."

Some basic information about me ? I am 16, and have been diagnosed with OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, and possible Cyclothymic Disorder? I have been treated for my depression with Zoloft and Wellbutrin, although I quit therapy temporarily about a month ago. My anxiety has been treated with occasional Hydroxyzine as well. As for my problematic mood fluctuation, I took Abilify for 2 years, before I was switched to Risperidone.

My mental health issues started appearing in 8th grade, when I was 13. In 8th grade, specifically, my depersonalization issues arose, as whenever I looked in the mirror, I could feel myself breaking down as I had trouble recognizing myself in the mirror; I was disconnected. After I cut my hair short, my depersonalization problems seemed to go away. Freshman and sophomore years were pretty smooth in the dissociative department, but this year I'm experiencing more derealization than depersonalization. It's to the point where I can't even do my work because I'm so out of it, and I freak out and write letter to myself, explaining I'm in a simulation.

The school counselor doesn't help at ALL, as she only seems to diminish my problems, saying that it's normal, and everyone wonders what happens "after death" (???), along with her saying if she had to stare at a computer with math problems she would start to "dissociate" too. I don't know what kinds of problems she thinks I have, but she must think I'm an idiot if she thinks I don't know the difference between detachment and confusion for math or wondering about the afterlife. There's really no way to get through to her, so I usually ask to call my mom and talk to her about it (phones aren't allowed during school), but she refuses that too?? She thinks that her help and "reassurance" are enough, when she is the farthest from helpful.

Anyways, I'm planning on going to the doctor if my derealization gets any worse, since I can't keep on ignoring my work simply because I feel fake, and everything is pointless because it's a simulation. Any recommendations on how to snap out of this dream world I'm living in would be very appreciated.
 

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@smallbnny,
I admire you attitude, looking for ways to help yourself, that is really important in getting out of DPDR.
I don't really have a recommendation, except that working with DPDR is a lenghty process, and I hope you will find a therapist who is knowledgeable about it.
When I felt the worst, I tried to hold on to anything that made me or my surrounding feel a bit more real. None of the usual grounding techniques helped, except that I felt a bit soothed by certain scents.
I also tried to stick to a certain routine, and to divide the day into manageable units, so that I do not feel overwhelmed by everything all the time. I also saved my energy a lot, went to bed at the same time, woke up at the same time, and such, and I could complete only a limited number of tasks a day, often some very simple things.
Best,
A.
 
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