Introducing myself

I just found this forum and have no idea if I'm doing this correctly. My mother was psychologically abusive--she only beat me once, when I was 17 and could've stopped it.. My father hated her and was seldom home, had a mistress for years. My older brother and sister left home after they turned 18 leaving me alone with my mother for 4 years. I was scared to death of her. I had no spine. I thought I'd handled this until I saw an episode of Law and Order. The defendent had times when he saw himself outside of the scene, lookng down on it. I had that! Had for years. Thought it was normal. That was a year ago and I'm attempting to find out more. As I learn, I realize those out-of-body experiences took place when I was stressed. I also found the answer to many of my problems--and I was furious--mostly at my father who left me in this situation. Where do I go for help?