[Matt210]

Well, for about the 400th time in my life, a simple search on the internet has gotten me all worked up again. Ive been warned so many time be people on the internet, my family, my psycologist.. NEVER look up symptoms on the internet.

Well.. i wasnt really looking for a new disease to explain my symptoms.. I just typed in "Depersonalization+Symptoms+Memory" .. and I got several sites up about different dissociative disorders... Depersonalization being one of them.

The other.. the one that was bolded, due to my memory search... was called "Dissociative Amnesia" .. and I didnt read much about it, because I was really scared.. but it basically describes what I have... or so I think. Gaps in memory, Blanks in my mind.

Now.. im trying to convince myself that I dont have it.. and all i can come up with is the fact that I can still REMEMBER *almost* everything.. I just cant draw it to the surface. As ive said many times.. If someone said "remember yesterday when we did this this and this" .. of course I would.. but if someone said "tell me what you did yesterday" ... my mind would go blank.. i would have no idea. Does someone know if for Dissociative Amnesia, you actually lose your memory?

Also, im not even sure if DA is even any worse than DP.. but again, ive gotten so used to the idea of having DP, having another mental illness scares me. As well, i read that memory loss can be related to Multiple Personality Disorder..

and of course I start freaking myself out about that.. thinking "oh man, i go through lots of mood swings, maybe im just changing personalities"..

************

Completely unrelated note.. my friends dad has seizures.. he is epileptic i believe.. and yesterday he had a mini-one.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. he had no memory of what he was doing.. his mind seemed to go into this weird trance state.. and then he stopped making sense.. He told my friend (his son) that he "looked like a teapot" ... and this really reminded me of the way my mind goes when I am extremely Dp'ed. I think the most random and stupid thoughts.. i never go to the point where i actually say them, but my thoughts stop making sense.. i become confused, disoriented.. feel like ive forgotten where I am.

Im not scared of Epilepsy because I know you can live a decent life with it, on proper meds etc. The other 2 things mentioned above terrify me.. but believe it or not i almost found comfort in this.. I dont really believe myself to have epilepsy, but it sort of shows me that what i havent isnt that different.. and its not the end of the world...

Any thoughts/opinions/help on any of this??

 

[Matt210]

Well, for about the 400th time in my life, a simple search on the internet has gotten me all worked up again. Ive been warned so many time be people on the internet, my family, my psycologist.. NEVER look up symptoms on the internet.

Well.. i wasnt really looking for a new disease to explain my symptoms.. I just typed in "Depersonalization+Symptoms+Memory" .. and I got several sites up about different dissociative disorders... Depersonalization being one of them.

The other.. the one that was bolded, due to my memory search... was called "Dissociative Amnesia" .. and I didnt read much about it, because I was really scared.. but it basically describes what I have... or so I think. Gaps in memory, Blanks in my mind.

Now.. im trying to convince myself that I dont have it.. and all i can come up with is the fact that I can still REMEMBER *almost* everything.. I just cant draw it to the surface. As ive said many times.. If someone said "remember yesterday when we did this this and this" .. of course I would.. but if someone said "tell me what you did yesterday" ... my mind would go blank.. i would have no idea. Does someone know if for Dissociative Amnesia, you actually lose your memory?

Also, im not even sure if DA is even any worse than DP.. but again, ive gotten so used to the idea of having DP, having another mental illness scares me. As well, i read that memory loss can be related to Multiple Personality Disorder..

and of course I start freaking myself out about that.. thinking "oh man, i go through lots of mood swings, maybe im just changing personalities"..

************

Completely unrelated note.. my friends dad has seizures.. he is epileptic i believe.. and yesterday he had a mini-one.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. he had no memory of what he was doing.. his mind seemed to go into this weird trance state.. and then he stopped making sense.. He told my friend (his son) that he "looked like a teapot" ... and this really reminded me of the way my mind goes when I am extremely Dp'ed. I think the most random and stupid thoughts.. i never go to the point where i actually say them, but my thoughts stop making sense.. i become confused, disoriented.. feel like ive forgotten where I am.

Im not scared of Epilepsy because I know you can live a decent life with it, on proper meds etc. The other 2 things mentioned above terrify me.. but believe it or not i almost found comfort in this.. I dont really believe myself to have epilepsy, but it sort of shows me that what i havent isnt that different.. and its not the end of the world...

Any thoughts/opinions/help on any of this??

 

[Guest]

Matt,

For God's sake, please don't search over the Net. Please. You are searching and creating fears. I did it, did nothing good!!!!

Go see a doc, point.

Dont diagnose yourself.

You have not, I am prestty sure, DA, DID, etc. You are so afraid to have it, but DP/DR (anxiety) create blanks in the memory. I swear to you. I have the same.

So don't search for illnesses!!! It's not good for you, it gives you nothing but panik,

Take care,

Cyn xxx

 

[Guest]

Matt,

For God's sake, please don't search over the Net. Please. You are searching and creating fears. I did it, did nothing good!!!!

Go see a doc, point.

Dont diagnose yourself.

You have not, I am prestty sure, DA, DID, etc. You are so afraid to have it, but DP/DR (anxiety) create blanks in the memory. I swear to you. I have the same.

So don't search for illnesses!!! It's not good for you, it gives you nothing but panik,

Take care,

Cyn xxx

 

[Dreamer]

Dear Matt,
I just skimmed your post, but it did catch my eye.

Just to calm your fears re: Dissociative Amnesia. It is a VERY specific, RARE form of Dissociation. And from what I know about you I'd be :shock: if you had it and would want to meet you as you'd be an amazing case study.

If you read the details in the Merck Manual -- see the links sectin re: the Dissociative Disorders, this is NOT describing you.

And the confusion seizure patients have after TLE or grand mal is also NOT the same thing. I have a friend who's husband has lived with seizures of unknown origin for about 15 years now. He's doing fine on meds. He has had experiences you describe (re: your friend's father) both when he as "absense seizures" and grand mal. His wife will say, "Honey you were gone for a little while there." And he'll say, "Oh, shit, OK" and go on about his business, LOL.

I hope this helps.

Best,
D

 

[Dreamer]

Dear Matt,
I just skimmed your post, but it did catch my eye.

Just to calm your fears re: Dissociative Amnesia. It is a VERY specific, RARE form of Dissociation. And from what I know about you I'd be :shock: if you had it and would want to meet you as you'd be an amazing case study.

If you read the details in the Merck Manual -- see the links sectin re: the Dissociative Disorders, this is NOT describing you.

And the confusion seizure patients have after TLE or grand mal is also NOT the same thing. I have a friend who's husband has lived with seizures of unknown origin for about 15 years now. He's doing fine on meds. He has had experiences you describe (re: your friend's father) both when he as "absense seizures" and grand mal. His wife will say, "Honey you were gone for a little while there." And he'll say, "Oh, shit, OK" and go on about his business, LOL.

I hope this helps.

Best,
D

 

[jc]

i visit this site,but i will never ever search for any of my symptoms on the internet,im not in denial its just you can fill your head with so much bullshit that you will only work yourself up into a frenzy...
we all have memory problems,especially me after a night out,but it doesnt bother me anymore,and i certainly dont blame it on any kind of mental illness,i have friends that are considered healthy in mind and they are astonished by what i can and cant remember,the only thing im bad at is remembering names,but im not going to blame that on dp/or anxiety

 

[jc]

i visit this site,but i will never ever search for any of my symptoms on the internet,im not in denial its just you can fill your head with so much bullshit that you will only work yourself up into a frenzy...
we all have memory problems,especially me after a night out,but it doesnt bother me anymore,and i certainly dont blame it on any kind of mental illness,i have friends that are considered healthy in mind and they are astonished by what i can and cant remember,the only thing im bad at is remembering names,but im not going to blame that on dp/or anxiety

 

[Guest]

I've this bad habit of doing searches on the net...please don't do like me, you'll start imagine everything you read and feel anxious about it!
I've started all this crap by reading on the net about the "crazy cow" illness, if I hadn't researched that, I would be fine by now
Read my post and see how bad it is to read symptoms.
Take care.

Tau

 

[Guest]

I've this bad habit of doing searches on the net...please don't do like me, you'll start imagine everything you read and feel anxious about it!
I've started all this crap by reading on the net about the "crazy cow" illness, if I hadn't researched that, I would be fine by now
Read my post and see how bad it is to read symptoms.
Take care.

Tau

 

[shadowness]

with the internet having so much information about everything....sometimes it is hard not to look at things and hard not to see what could happen when going through certain symptoms...whether it be with or without meds...

if we look at our symptoms too much...we could have a huge number of things wrong with us...due to how we perceieve our situation....

i try not to look up my feelings and thoughts....

otherwise i focus on everything more and then just worry more about something i do not have...

the anxiety can get the better of you and then you have to try to convince yourself that you cannot have what you have just read....

 

[shadowness]

with the internet having so much information about everything....sometimes it is hard not to look at things and hard not to see what could happen when going through certain symptoms...whether it be with or without meds...

if we look at our symptoms too much...we could have a huge number of things wrong with us...due to how we perceieve our situation....

i try not to look up my feelings and thoughts....

otherwise i focus on everything more and then just worry more about something i do not have...

the anxiety can get the better of you and then you have to try to convince yourself that you cannot have what you have just read....

 

[jc]

apart from janines book and claire weekes book,i will also not spend wasted hours reading up on mental illnesses...sure if theres a tv programme on which deals in famous people with mental problems then i have an interest,but i will not read books,search the internet for anything related to this problem....dont get obsessed by all of this

 

[jc]

apart from janines book and claire weekes book,i will also not spend wasted hours reading up on mental illnesses...sure if theres a tv programme on which deals in famous people with mental problems then i have an interest,but i will not read books,search the internet for anything related to this problem....dont get obsessed by all of this

 

[Kerio]

I think the problem is that most of us don't really create an entire day worth of memories.

I know if nothing happened in a particular day, I'd probably forget it. I possibly would only remember what I had for dinner because I'm very diet conscious.

Try living a day filled with activity. Try something interesting and new every week or so. I've tried my hand at archery, boxing, cycling, running, video gaming, going to new malls or taking long nature walks - you'll find that it'll be probably impossible to forget some of the nicer moments you will find in those days. I, for one, still remember the feeling and vision of the trees towering above me while the sunlight sparkled through the leaves and nothing but the special sound of nature's silence penetrating my audio-senses.

Try it! Carpe Diem, ey?

 

[Kerio]

I think the problem is that most of us don't really create an entire day worth of memories.

I know if nothing happened in a particular day, I'd probably forget it. I possibly would only remember what I had for dinner because I'm very diet conscious.

Try living a day filled with activity. Try something interesting and new every week or so. I've tried my hand at archery, boxing, cycling, running, video gaming, going to new malls or taking long nature walks - you'll find that it'll be probably impossible to forget some of the nicer moments you will find in those days. I, for one, still remember the feeling and vision of the trees towering above me while the sunlight sparkled through the leaves and nothing but the special sound of nature's silence penetrating my audio-senses.

Try it! Carpe Diem, ey?

 

[Guest]

I made the mistake of recently going to a website that has a Schizophrenic Forum so like an idiot, i went onto the forum & read some person's post about how Satan talks to them and all of this other shit. I must say it scared the shit out of me and i started to worry about hearing voices and what not. But than i realized if that was going to happen, it would have already happened by now.

Point is, like everyone else said, looking up things online isn't always the best idea. Its better just to ask your doctor and or psychiatrist.

 

[Guest]

I made the mistake of recently going to a website that has a Schizophrenic Forum so like an idiot, i went onto the forum & read some person's post about how Satan talks to them and all of this other shit. I must say it scared the shit out of me and i started to worry about hearing voices and what not. But than i realized if that was going to happen, it would have already happened by now.

Point is, like everyone else said, looking up things online isn't always the best idea. Its better just to ask your doctor and or psychiatrist.

 

[jc]

the trouble is because we overanalyze everything we try our best to recall memories from the day,and if we forget certain moments then we work ourselves up into a panic....when infact we are just like everyone else in the respect that we only really remember the stuff worth remembering....this morning ive read half of a book,watched a bit of tv,put some new lights on my bike,thats it nothing life affirming but the bits in-between dont matter

 

[jc]

the trouble is because we overanalyze everything we try our best to recall memories from the day,and if we forget certain moments then we work ourselves up into a panic....when infact we are just like everyone else in the respect that we only really remember the stuff worth remembering....this morning ive read half of a book,watched a bit of tv,put some new lights on my bike,thats it nothing life affirming but the bits in-between dont matter