Well, for about the 400th time in my life, a simple search on the internet has gotten me all worked up again. Ive been warned so many time be people on the internet, my family, my psycologist.. NEVER look up symptoms on the internet.
Well.. i wasnt really looking for a new disease to explain my symptoms.. I just typed in "Depersonalization+Symptoms+Memory" .. and I got several sites up about different dissociative disorders... Depersonalization being one of them.
The other.. the one that was bolded, due to my memory search... was called "Dissociative Amnesia" .. and I didnt read much about it, because I was really scared.. but it basically describes what I have... or so I think. Gaps in memory, Blanks in my mind.
Now.. im trying to convince myself that I dont have it.. and all i can come up with is the fact that I can still REMEMBER *almost* everything.. I just cant draw it to the surface. As ive said many times.. If someone said "remember yesterday when we did this this and this" .. of course I would.. but if someone said "tell me what you did yesterday" ... my mind would go blank.. i would have no idea. Does someone know if for Dissociative Amnesia, you actually lose your memory?
Also, im not even sure if DA is even any worse than DP.. but again, ive gotten so used to the idea of having DP, having another mental illness scares me. As well, i read that memory loss can be related to Multiple Personality Disorder..
and of course I start freaking myself out about that.. thinking "oh man, i go through lots of mood swings, maybe im just changing personalities"..
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Completely unrelated note.. my friends dad has seizures.. he is epileptic i believe.. and yesterday he had a mini-one.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. he had no memory of what he was doing.. his mind seemed to go into this weird trance state.. and then he stopped making sense.. He told my friend (his son) that he "looked like a teapot" ... and this really reminded me of the way my mind goes when I am extremely Dp'ed. I think the most random and stupid thoughts.. i never go to the point where i actually say them, but my thoughts stop making sense.. i become confused, disoriented.. feel like ive forgotten where I am.
Im not scared of Epilepsy because I know you can live a decent life with it, on proper meds etc. The other 2 things mentioned above terrify me.. but believe it or not i almost found comfort in this.. I dont really believe myself to have epilepsy, but it sort of shows me that what i havent isnt that different.. and its not the end of the world...
Any thoughts/opinions/help on any of this??
Well.. i wasnt really looking for a new disease to explain my symptoms.. I just typed in "Depersonalization+Symptoms+Memory" .. and I got several sites up about different dissociative disorders... Depersonalization being one of them.
The other.. the one that was bolded, due to my memory search... was called "Dissociative Amnesia" .. and I didnt read much about it, because I was really scared.. but it basically describes what I have... or so I think. Gaps in memory, Blanks in my mind.
Now.. im trying to convince myself that I dont have it.. and all i can come up with is the fact that I can still REMEMBER *almost* everything.. I just cant draw it to the surface. As ive said many times.. If someone said "remember yesterday when we did this this and this" .. of course I would.. but if someone said "tell me what you did yesterday" ... my mind would go blank.. i would have no idea. Does someone know if for Dissociative Amnesia, you actually lose your memory?
Also, im not even sure if DA is even any worse than DP.. but again, ive gotten so used to the idea of having DP, having another mental illness scares me. As well, i read that memory loss can be related to Multiple Personality Disorder..
and of course I start freaking myself out about that.. thinking "oh man, i go through lots of mood swings, maybe im just changing personalities"..
************
Completely unrelated note.. my friends dad has seizures.. he is epileptic i believe.. and yesterday he had a mini-one.. he seemed confused as to where he was.. he had no memory of what he was doing.. his mind seemed to go into this weird trance state.. and then he stopped making sense.. He told my friend (his son) that he "looked like a teapot" ... and this really reminded me of the way my mind goes when I am extremely Dp'ed. I think the most random and stupid thoughts.. i never go to the point where i actually say them, but my thoughts stop making sense.. i become confused, disoriented.. feel like ive forgotten where I am.
Im not scared of Epilepsy because I know you can live a decent life with it, on proper meds etc. The other 2 things mentioned above terrify me.. but believe it or not i almost found comfort in this.. I dont really believe myself to have epilepsy, but it sort of shows me that what i havent isnt that different.. and its not the end of the world...
Any thoughts/opinions/help on any of this??