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Today I woke up feeling not to bad, as per usual my thoughts were a little bit more accelerated during the morning. My sleep entailed very vivid dreams, it's almost as if when I'm sleeping I'm just thinking rapidly and I woke up a few times throughout the night because my thoughts were so vivid. Waking up many times throughout the night for me is now very common. I also think something hit me in one of my dreams which resulted in me waking up in a jolting motion.

I went out to a dentist appointment and my thoughts started accelerating, I ignored a lot of it but I feel like a part of me is responsible for allowing these thoughts to creep into my mind. I need to restructure my thought patterns so that I'm only focusing on what it is that I'm doing and not acknowledging thoughts of "look at that tree, it looks different" and all the other garbage that has been rapidly racing through my mind.

Throughout the day there was DR, things seeming unreal, dreamlike, etc but I know this is my mind playing tricks on me.

Currently I can deal with the DR-DP itself, I don't care what things look like or how I think I feel because I know I'm myself and I know I'm in reality. If John Nash can ignore people who are figments of his imagination which must be absolutely haunting I can ignore some ficticious feelings. My biggest irritation is my thought patterns, frequent intrusive and distracting thoughts that tirelessly try to barge their way into my thought patterns. I need to block these attempts from actually getting into my thoughts, it's pretty simple, just very hard, like mental weightlifting.

Other than that I have a buzzing in my head which has been here since the incident. I also got moderately anxious a couple times because of some stupid thoughts. My allowing the thoughts to cross into my mind is what triggered the anxiety, if I block it out properly anxiety cannot be triggered.

What I think I am experiencing is heavy OCD symptoms due to the highly increased anxiety as well as DP-DR symptoms.

In conclusion, I booked off December-January from my job because of medical reasons (I kept having anxiety attacks and obviously didn't want to have one at work) and just looked at my e-mail inbox to see that I was let go (because of missing time at work I am sure).

This whole situation is stupid.

6/10
 
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