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Intense Dp, visual problems that make it impossible - Dirty cocaine

1656 Views 8 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  thanksforbeingalive

21 years old, use to do drugs as a kid in high school and up until about 19 recreational use (never got hooked on anything) but would smoke week, take pills, mdma stuff like that and never became mentally affected from it. Also never had a history or mental disorders such as depression or ocd or any traumatic experiences in life (had some basic anxiety about general stuff in life but that is pretty common with anyone at times) Anyways I was on probation for about a year and a half at mid 19 years old and stopped doing any drugs because I was unable to with my drug tests. So once I was off probation I smoked some weed but didn't really feel anything (think it was because the weed was pretty bad) then a few weeks later i smoked a good amount of weed again (it was much better weed) and I remember i felt higher than i ever was in my entire life, and at first i thought i was just really high because I haven't smoked in almost 2 years, but then I realized i was high to where it felt like i was on some type of bad acid trip and i remember i literally kept having this "thought loop" (just learned that term recently, at the time i thought i was going crazy) i was literally scared and was having extreme anxiety because I've never felt this way before. I was sitting in bed trying my hardest to go to sleep and eventually I did, the next day i woke up and felt just a little weird and out of it for the next 2-3 days (but nothing like actual DP/DR symptoms yet) then i felt normal again and i stopped smoking for a little bit. Eventually I forgot about this feeling and i smoked again a few months later but not that much, i didn't feel those strange feelings again so over the next 6 months i smoked a few times just a couple hits feeling a little high. A little over a month ago I smoked weed again and after the first hit i felt high, i even said to myself i feel way higher than I should off just that one hit, but i proceeded to take a couple more and then stopped. About 2-3 hours later as I was laying in my bed i started to get really freaked out again like I did about a year ago as I mentioned above. I got in a thought loop again and then started having intense anxiety because i was feeling just awful and like i wasn't apart of reality and everything was fake and meaningless, everything that came to my mind just felt pointless and like i wasn't even real (which are all DP symptoms but at the time i didn't know that. I forced myself to go to sleep but the next day i woke up and i still felt similar and i was freaked out that next day and was really worried but just thought i was still high or something, i felt better 2 days after but over the course of the next 3 weeks i would get random extreme anxiety (not dp/dr symptoms) but i would just get extremely anxious about nothing really, and sometimes i would kind of think about how everything seemed a little pointless. but i would always just fade out of those bad thoughts and they'd only last a night or so, it didn't completely consume me yet. Now about 2 and a half weeks ago i was out with some friends downtown at a club (we live in Cincinnati and 'party drugs' as you can imagine are pretty common here) one of my friends met this guy there and the dude just randomly offered some of his cocaine because they really just got along well. So i end up doing some as well since he offers me some too (this marks the worst decision I've ever made in my life) i did a pretty standard sized line and I really didn't feel like it was cocaine at all. I've done cocaine before in the past and it definitely did not feel like good cocaine, it felt like it was cut with some other drug, but it was something because i did not feel sober and i could feel the drops in the back of my throat. I also was kind of drunk. Anyways i felt pretty normal throughout the night and didn't think anything of it. I might add though, that the hours leading up to me going out with my friends i felt really anxious about nothing in particular, my heart was beating fast and I was feeling just nervous (still some affects from the weed i smoked a few weeks prior to that i'm assuming) It's like i kind of got a small dose of DP/DR a few weeks prior to this night from the weed that i smoked, then I did this cocaine and it took it to a whole new level and fully induced me with DP/DR.


After that night out with my friends the next morning i woke up feeling awful, i was full of anxiety and was freaking out. I went out and grabbed something to eat and tried to just "rejoin society" as i felt like i was doing by being out in public etc. that day i just felt the feelings of dp, and the next day it really got bad. I started having all the experiences of DP where EVERYTHING felt pointless, my own workplace that I've been at for years felt different to me, and i feel claustrophobic everywhere I go when I'm in the bad feeling of DP. My vision completely went "frame to frame" is one way I guess you could call it. My vision constantly feels like vision when your high on weed somewhat, it feels blurry and nearsighted and "frame to frame" is one term ive read about it. I've had some of the darkest moments of my life to the point where i felt like my entire life is some dream and nothing is real and I'm just sitting in a blank box. It was the scariest feeling of my entire life when that moment came over me for about an hour. The first week was bad, after day 3 i was scavenging the internet trying to find out what was wrong with me but nothing i found related to what i was feeling, i of course thought i was losing my mind and going crazy. Until i stumbled on a post on some random forum where someone was describing their DP/DR symptoms and everything he said i related to 100%, I instantly researched what DP/DR was and found out about this disorder from hell.

Questions for anyone who has experienced this disorder/has been cured:

-So I'm on week 3 right now. The first week was absolute hell, i almost become traumatized even thinking about the thoughts that went through my head that week, and even the memories of that week make me scared (four days into the first week i discovered the DP/DR disorder). For the first week I did almost nothing, barely spoke and just thought about these crazy thoughts going on in my head.

-The second week i felt a little better like I had kind of accepted the disorder and tried to just go on life knowing that I just need to not focus on it and go on through life, as i know that is really the only way you can beat this disorder, or how to speed up the process of getting over it. But i still had nights or moments in the day that ranged from 1 or a couple hours long.

-I'm on the third week now and I have really been adamant about just going on in life dealing with this and staying busy etc and that really does help it go away for the time being. I feel like i've mentally beat it more, i dont have that horrible traumatizing thoughts constantly anymore, I can get through the day easier. However i can't constantly stay busy, eventually throughout the day I have downtime or where I'm just driving in the car and I always feel it then. And the main issue for me is my vision, my vision itself gets awful and then I cant get over the DP or focus on other stuff because my vision is constantly frame to frame, near sighted, and feeling as if i'm in a dream. When my vision isn't going like this i feel as if im back in the world again, i can talk to other people and i feel like i have life again, because during that time DP is not there anymore. But then i will literally remember that I don't have DP feeling anymore and sometimes my vision will slowly fade back into that DP state and i will start getting anxiety about this vision because it feels claustrophobic and i cant enjoy anything when my vision is like that, and it gets me scared because i keep thinking that weeks or months or years i will have to be dealing with this. I know that really the only cure to a disorder like this is to not fuel it, by not even coming on this website and posting about it and by just accepting it and moving on i get that and i know that is what i must do. But the affect that it has on my vision really make it difficult to focus on anything else, and then when I have those vision problems its like i start to think about bad thoughts again because the dp comes back into my mind. Its just horrible and Its fueling my own anxiety because I just want to live again. I thank God everyday for the moments in my life now where I'm not feeling like that and I pray a lot. I've been doing better overall, but tonight it came back over me pretty bad to the point where i came on here to make a post trying to find help from anyone who has any tips or foods or vitamins or supplements that will help. I don't wanna go get on xanax or some prescription because i know that will just mask the disorder, i know it needs to be beat and it can be done but I would love some help from anyone who can give me some tips, especially with this visual problem I have that makes it near impossible to forget about this. It can come and go on its own, but when I'm out and about doing something social like out to eat with my GF or with a lot of my family usually it wont come out because obviously my brain is occupied and busy, but when i have any downtime here it will come back.

Long post I know, but im just trying to give you all the information possible about my situation so anyone can accurately help me more and know whats going on. If you have any questions for me ask away
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You will be 100 percent as new in August, good luck, just wait
Hey thanks for the reply! And what makes you say August? The problem I'm having mentally Is because I've seen a lot of people who say they've had this for years, and thinking about dealing with how intense my dp can get at times really freaks me out. I know most people with drug induced dp (such as myself for the most part) report it going away after weeks or months usually. But I'm just trying to keep my mind off that and just try and go on in life without thinking about it but it's tough mostly because of my pretty consistent visual problems associated with the dp
cause you never had mental illness before (from your words), your brain will restore itself to default mode within 6-8 months, it is just a neurochemical imbalance in your brain right now, you will be fine.
Anything that helps the brain restore itself easier? I know everyone says distract yourself which does work but the vision issues I have don't go away near as much. And it's not the visual snow or stuff like that I've never experienced those effects. My vision is almost like dream vision where I can do something and 10 minutes later think about it and it almost feels like "did I even do that or was it a dream?" I obviously know I actually did it, but it can feel as if I didn't and its just different than my normal vision very hard to explain it. But it's nothing wrong with my eyes, I know it's my brain or mind that is affecting it. Thanks for the replies so far really appreciate it
Were you drug induced as well? And yeah I find myself feeling better in the morning and early afternoon after I wake up then usually more around evening and later in the night I feel worse I sleep much more now than I use to because I know a good night sleep helps the most
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