In the midst of all this struggle, and anxiety, and dp/dr, and depression, even through all of that, you still know your self. Just think about it for one moment. Things may look weird at times, things may feel funny or you may not feel it at all, but you know when you slow down and breathe you are you deep down. You haven't lost that. You know your family, your friends ,, you check to see if you know your name and where you live ... You know how to go out and get your groceries, you know when you have to use the restroom, you know when your clothes are dirty and need to be washed, you know it's time to pay the rent or the mortgage. THink about what you do know, an immense amount of information is stored in your head and it's all there, you haven't lost it.
When my dad was in the hospital two weeks ago I was able to observe for myself elderly people who truly didn't remember where they were and guess what they were not panicked or worried that they were going crazy because they didn't know they weren't where they thought they were.
It was enough proof for me that I didn't need hospitalization or that any minute I would loose my mind, because if I do, It will all seem right to me, I won't care where I am now will I.. We guard ourselves against a phantom who will never appear..
I believe this is extreme anxiety or depression or both causing these symptoms.. True disassociation happens normally everyday.. Ever drive a car and then suddenly wonder how you got that far or where you were. While frightening for a moment or two, most people push it off and say ok.
Or when weird thoughts come through our minds, most people say wow that was a weird thought, some how we look at them as signs of going crazy.. Most people who have a disassociative disorder, so I am told by my therapist, had some childhood trauma to cause it, children who are molested disaassociate from the act by thinking they are somewhere else adn some truly don't remember the incidents because they escape elsewhere.
So I guess what my therapist is telling me is I do not a have a disassocitive disorder, I have anxiety which causes these symptoms... Well ok, so work on your repsonses to anxiety and dp/dr will also diminish. As many of you know I can't seem to tolerate medications, so I have gone the Therapy and CBT route.. I also have an undying belief that things are getting better and they will get even better as I stay in therapy.
I hope this stuff is helpful to some.. Find one thing positive in your life and build on it... Do the things that you once found passionate and they will become passionate again in time. Do anythng but sit in bed and lie around being scared. YOu can be scared at a movie just as easy as lying in bed. It is important to take the first step and get up from your bed , get out of your house, even if you just walk the neighborhood with your house in sight..... Start today on your road to healing, Now some here have other issues, like alcohol and drugs and addictions, I can't speak to those because I haven't dealt with an addiction, but get up and get help, If you don't like the help you are getting find other help, but do something , take a step forward today
Peace
KC
