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In the midst of all this struggle, and anxiety, and dp/dr, and depression, even through all of that, you still know your self. Just think about it for one moment. Things may look weird at times, things may feel funny or you may not feel it at all, but you know when you slow down and breathe you are you deep down. You haven't lost that. You know your family, your friends ,, you check to see if you know your name and where you live ... You know how to go out and get your groceries, you know when you have to use the restroom, you know when your clothes are dirty and need to be washed, you know it's time to pay the rent or the mortgage. THink about what you do know, an immense amount of information is stored in your head and it's all there, you haven't lost it.

When my dad was in the hospital two weeks ago I was able to observe for myself elderly people who truly didn't remember where they were and guess what they were not panicked or worried that they were going crazy because they didn't know they weren't where they thought they were.

It was enough proof for me that I didn't need hospitalization or that any minute I would loose my mind, because if I do, It will all seem right to me, I won't care where I am now will I.. We guard ourselves against a phantom who will never appear..

I believe this is extreme anxiety or depression or both causing these symptoms.. True disassociation happens normally everyday.. Ever drive a car and then suddenly wonder how you got that far or where you were. While frightening for a moment or two, most people push it off and say ok.

Or when weird thoughts come through our minds, most people say wow that was a weird thought, some how we look at them as signs of going crazy.. Most people who have a disassociative disorder, so I am told by my therapist, had some childhood trauma to cause it, children who are molested disaassociate from the act by thinking they are somewhere else adn some truly don't remember the incidents because they escape elsewhere.

So I guess what my therapist is telling me is I do not a have a disassocitive disorder, I have anxiety which causes these symptoms... Well ok, so work on your repsonses to anxiety and dp/dr will also diminish. As many of you know I can't seem to tolerate medications, so I have gone the Therapy and CBT route.. I also have an undying belief that things are getting better and they will get even better as I stay in therapy.

I hope this stuff is helpful to some.. Find one thing positive in your life and build on it... Do the things that you once found passionate and they will become passionate again in time. Do anythng but sit in bed and lie around being scared. YOu can be scared at a movie just as easy as lying in bed. It is important to take the first step and get up from your bed , get out of your house, even if you just walk the neighborhood with your house in sight..... Start today on your road to healing, Now some here have other issues, like alcohol and drugs and addictions, I can't speak to those because I haven't dealt with an addiction, but get up and get help, If you don't like the help you are getting find other help, but do something , take a step forward today

Peace

KC
 
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Part of my particular theory on depersonalization is that we do not dissociate, but that we are PHOBIC about dissociating.

The dissociative disorder here is that we are so afraid of NORMAL dissociation (the "trancing out" that every human does a dozen or more times per day) that we have forced our Ego focus so far inward, monitoring our experience of ourselves in pathological scrutiny.

The imagined fear is that if we do not WATCH our thinking, we will lose control. In recovery, our ability to dissociate (normally) reinstates,and the self-monitoring ceases and the dp experience stops.

Peace,
Janine
 

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ive had help
ive taken meds
ive seen shrinks
ive read self help books
ive kept journals
ive pushed my boundaries

and im still searching for recovery...im just tired with it
 

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I wouldn't say that was 'creative' but more logical. I think what Janine is saying is that normal people's thoughts casually flow from one to the other and do not cause them alarm, they are not aware of those thoughts changin from one completely different topic to the next. That is a form of dissociating.
We however are watching those thoughts and cannot let anything happen in our minds without knowledge of it. Like we don't trust ourselves to get on with things automatically. This is how I experience DP anyway. I would say that yes, we 'dissociate' in the way that we unconsciously change our thhought process into a much more heightened awareness/distorted view of ourselves, but we will not let ourselves dissociate BACK again, which makes it the experience worse.
 
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Wendy, I'm glad you wrote that because I was not clear. I did not mean to say at all that there is no such thing as dissociation! Of course there is! And it can be TERRIBLY troubling and crippling and limiting to someone who expereinces trance states or the emotional "numbing" that happens as a result of trauma or abuse, etc.

Please accept my apologies if I sounded like I was "minimizing" the experience. NOT my intent.

I was referring to Kchendrix who started the thread and for those DP'ers who are NOT experiencing their DP as a simultaneous "Dissociative" experience. Some of us had/have it from a different mindset - the dp can be induced from self-monitoring and from actually trying to NOT "let go" into the trance state of dissociation.

In short, there is Dissociation the symptom (the bad, disturbing state of mind that you, and others suffer from)

There is also dissociation, the ordinary normal part of everyone's mental experience. Two different things.

Sorry for confusion.

I'll shut up now.
 
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Janine, thank you,yes!, You've hit my nail on the head.

Do you see any relation between what you've described and what R.D. Laing (and probably others) describes as "ontological insecurity"?
 

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JanineBaker said:
Part of my particular theory on depersonalization is that we do not dissociate, but that we are PHOBIC about dissociating.

The dissociative disorder here is that we are so afraid of NORMAL dissociation (the "trancing out" that every human does a dozen or more times per day) that we have forced our Ego focus so far inward, monitoring our experience of ourselves in pathological scrutiny.

The imagined fear is that if we do not WATCH our thinking, we will lose control. In recovery, our ability to dissociate (normally) reinstates,and the self-monitoring ceases and the dp experience stops.

Peace,
Janine
THIS IS ME!!!!!!!!!! :shock: :cry: :shock: :cry: :oops:
 
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I certainly think it's all related - although, disclaimer - I do not advise anyone with bad DP to read "Laing" as he will just freak you out more.

I suspect that the philosophical "ontological musings" and quest re: solipsism, etc. are much less pathological fascinations, likely sublimations of some fears/aggressions, etc...but relatively healthy in the overall picture.

Caution: Psychoanalytic jargon coming up, grin:

For us, (those for whom this applies), I suspect we are driven to the self-scrutiny by something more "traumatic" - a sudden and powerful identification or dis-identification that was SO threatening to our feelings of Ego cohesion that we reacted with MASSIVE ANXIETY to it and marshalled our mental forces to prevent such awareness from ever happening again.

Part of the normal mental processes involves something called "internalization" - big word for what the mind does with what it learns, experiences, etc...it "take it in" and sort of FOLDS it all into the batter, integrating the new experience/awareness into the Ego's core.

When/if we have felt so shocked and so ill-prepared for a sudden and threatening awareness, we are literally SHELL-shocked in a mental way. And we stand guard 24/7 determined to STOP internalization from occuring again.

Well, that's not how humans are made. We NEED to internalize experience in order to feel like ourselves.

Confusing? I'm confused myself, lol
Peace,
J
 

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If we are afraid of dissociating,would it be a dangerous game to enduce it or at least try to,so that we get more control of it and then no longer be afraid of it?
 

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STOP there, right now!!!

You will always be afraid of it- it is a feeling, the more you feel it, the worse it gets, not lessens. The idea is not to get the feeling in the first place - ie don't follow dp thoughts

I wish I could follow my own advice :cry:
 
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