Hi, I'm 22 years old, almost 23, and I've recently started to deal with what I believe to be DP/DR symptoms, and as most people who go through it, I'm very, VERY scared! Instantly as I was going through this forum, which I'm sooo happy to have found, I was able to identify with some of the reports I read, the marijuana issue. I'll go straight to all the things I believe to have contributed to what I'm experiencing now:
I have been diagnosed with anxious depression 2 years ago. For some time I was in a terrible state, and I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed for some time, but it wasn't connected to any DP/DR symptoms back then, or at least I thought and still think. I got treatment and luckily I got 90% cured from the most crippling aspects of me, but of course I never went back to being the same person I was. I went to the psychiatrist back then and he gave me 25 mg paxil antidepressant, which I take to this day. Then something like 6 months ago I started experiencing with pot, smoking very little of it and never having many problems, or no problems at all actually, tbh only good experiences. A few weeks back tho, I started hitting heavier and heavier, and that's when the problems started to arise. In total, I had 3, increasing in strength full blown panic attacks, after hitting an amount of pot I was never used to. My DP/DR didn't start as soon as the attack happened, but rather on the night after it. As I was laying down on my bed to sleep, I started having some weird thoughts, thoughts that lead me to believe I couldn't trust anyone or even reality itself, specially myself. That suddenly triggered an even stronger panic attack, and I felt as if I was in a dream, which made it even worse. I had read some stuff about DP/DR before, and I instantly diagnosed myself. From that point onward it was very hard to make sense out of reality, and my brain will go on hours of thinking on how and why the world is fake, and even I am not real.
As for myself, I have always, for my whole life, been a rational thinker. I've always been very creative and I've tried writing books, composing, creating stories for games and programming, thus as of now I try to graduate on a computer sciences degree. I've always considered myself a nihilist and felt proud about that, but I feel that now that's playing against my condition. I've read and related a lot to Nietzche, but now that kind of belief is worsening my way of thought.
I've always been anxious, fr my whole life, since infancy, it's been basically part of who I am. I've always had periods where I get really worried about something, be it about a disease, being hated, death, etc. But now it feels like nothing much matters, and it really scares me. It feels as my brain won't stop before I can make a good sense of reality, but the more I do so, the less things, the human aspect of life, feels real. I've been doing my best to cope, the thing that's been helping me the most is my care for my girlfriend, not being able to be there for her is what scares me the most, but at the same time, it's what feels the most real. I feel like I can't trust people, relationships, like everything is fakes and staged, and I'm so scared that invades my feelings of love, the last thing I am able to hold onto right now.
If you have read this far, thank you so much, I'm in hopes that someone will read this and help me make sense of what I' feeling and thinking, and if this is normal. The condition feels really crippling and is making life lose meaning, I'm not sure of what to do. I thank you guys for any help, and wanted to say just the existence of this forum has already helped me a bit, but I'm still very confused about so much and would appreciate any response and guiding.
I have been diagnosed with anxious depression 2 years ago. For some time I was in a terrible state, and I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed for some time, but it wasn't connected to any DP/DR symptoms back then, or at least I thought and still think. I got treatment and luckily I got 90% cured from the most crippling aspects of me, but of course I never went back to being the same person I was. I went to the psychiatrist back then and he gave me 25 mg paxil antidepressant, which I take to this day. Then something like 6 months ago I started experiencing with pot, smoking very little of it and never having many problems, or no problems at all actually, tbh only good experiences. A few weeks back tho, I started hitting heavier and heavier, and that's when the problems started to arise. In total, I had 3, increasing in strength full blown panic attacks, after hitting an amount of pot I was never used to. My DP/DR didn't start as soon as the attack happened, but rather on the night after it. As I was laying down on my bed to sleep, I started having some weird thoughts, thoughts that lead me to believe I couldn't trust anyone or even reality itself, specially myself. That suddenly triggered an even stronger panic attack, and I felt as if I was in a dream, which made it even worse. I had read some stuff about DP/DR before, and I instantly diagnosed myself. From that point onward it was very hard to make sense out of reality, and my brain will go on hours of thinking on how and why the world is fake, and even I am not real.
As for myself, I have always, for my whole life, been a rational thinker. I've always been very creative and I've tried writing books, composing, creating stories for games and programming, thus as of now I try to graduate on a computer sciences degree. I've always considered myself a nihilist and felt proud about that, but I feel that now that's playing against my condition. I've read and related a lot to Nietzche, but now that kind of belief is worsening my way of thought.
I've always been anxious, fr my whole life, since infancy, it's been basically part of who I am. I've always had periods where I get really worried about something, be it about a disease, being hated, death, etc. But now it feels like nothing much matters, and it really scares me. It feels as my brain won't stop before I can make a good sense of reality, but the more I do so, the less things, the human aspect of life, feels real. I've been doing my best to cope, the thing that's been helping me the most is my care for my girlfriend, not being able to be there for her is what scares me the most, but at the same time, it's what feels the most real. I feel like I can't trust people, relationships, like everything is fakes and staged, and I'm so scared that invades my feelings of love, the last thing I am able to hold onto right now.
If you have read this far, thank you so much, I'm in hopes that someone will read this and help me make sense of what I' feeling and thinking, and if this is normal. The condition feels really crippling and is making life lose meaning, I'm not sure of what to do. I thank you guys for any help, and wanted to say just the existence of this forum has already helped me a bit, but I'm still very confused about so much and would appreciate any response and guiding.
