In a very dark hole

Hi. I started with disociative depersonalization derealization disorder at 5 yrs of age. My overstressed kindergarten teacher did not want to deal with me as i was a spirited child and not as obedient as she would have liked. I spent my first year in school in a closet like i was beingbpunished for being myself. Parents never knew. I blacked it out untill puberty when i started being attracted to the idea of relating. Lol. I was never treated for anything untill well into my twenties. My disorder was exasterbated into anxiety from expectations to severe depression throughout school. At the college level i was diagnosed with non differential schizophrenia... I chose to study psychology because i figured only i could help myself. 10 years later after pshychopharmacology i am a total supporter of meds. I started with a prozac and then after trying a few things i settled on a combination of anti depressants anti anxiety and neurotransmitter nlocjers for pain/ the stressor signals of depression and anxiety. All together prozac buspar wellbutrim and gabapentin. I have tried alot of meds and these i am on now this combo for like 5 years now has taken my life to totally different places from my dark hole. Please please please stay devoted you will get to your happy place. I do not see a therapist but i highly recomend it and if you choose talk therapy make a choice to commit for a length of time before deciding weither to stick to a therapist. I recommend 4 to 8 months and if benificial continue. Also go to your library and do your research!!! Knowing what youre facing is half the battle. Tip for researching...if u need to pace yourself set predetermined goals if you can and stick to your goals. Note: just because you get a diagnosis from a therapist doesnt state the final call on your sanity or lack there of. Re: my non differential schizophrenia... I believe thst i am what is called non residual schizophrenia it is when your psycotic symtems are no longer continueing to display schizo tendencies. I believe that what i am really facing is disociative depersonalization derealization disorder that quelled into a seperation anxiety that caused severe depression and manifested in psychotic symptoms. I am much better...my problem the reason i am here is that i want to reach a new level for myself and i struggle re lating and communicating with people because i expierience life in a different way from most people around me...so hello. I have arrived where are you friends lets relate.smiles.