Depersonalization Support Forum banner

I'm struggling to cope....

852 Views 28 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  Byrde
Hi, you guys!

Sorry it's been a while since I last posted here.

For those of you who don't know me, my partner and I had been trying to concieve for almost a year. We've been living together for almost four years. Even though he already has two boys, 11 and 13, he was insistent that he would LOVE to have another child.

Last month, I discovered the fabulous news that I was pregnant. I was ecstatic! My partner seemed over the moon when I shared the wonderful news, but the following day, I noticed a change in him.

To cut a long story short, he quickly lost all interest in me and our baby. I begged him to open up and talk to me, even if what he had to say would break my heart. He kept refusing to talk. I don't believe there's another woman, as he rarely goes out of his flat. I think he's suddenly realised he DOESN'T want another child, after all (Any suggestions?).

Then he fitted a door, which seperated our huge apartment (It was originally two flats). As you can imagine, I was distraught. I went through hell, wondering how on earth I was going to manage on my own with a baby, what with my Depression, DP, DR, anxiety, etc.. What with the heartache of splitting up, too, I felt suicidal. Thank goodness I've got some good friends and a loving family. Everyone had noticed the sudden change in him. Unknown to me, my dad had even asked him if he was happy about the baby. He said he was.

Anyway, I managed to find the strength to carry on. I decided I would simply do the best I can. It helped to know that I'll be closely monitored, due to my long history of Depression. It was only last week that I started to enjoy my pregnancy. I knew this baby would be the best thing to ever happen in my life. Such a precious miracle...

But for the past couple of days, I've been bleeding and had period pains. Last night, I had severe diarrhoea for thirteen and a half hours. I took the maximum dose of Immodium, but it didn't work. My GP referred me to an out-of-hours doctor, who explained that the diarrhoea was hormonal. She told me to see my GP tomorrow morning, who will arrange for me to have an ultrasound scan immediately, as she thinks my pregnancy could be ectopic.

But a few hours ago, the blood became very heavy and the period pain was bad. I've taken paracetamol, but they haven't eased the pain. I spoke to a different out-of-hours doctor, who told me to go to Accident and Emergency, should the pain become unbearable. After answering all my questions, he told me that there would be nothing they could do to stop it, if it IS a miscarriage. All they would be able to do is monitor me. I decided I'd rather be in my own bed, hiding away...praying...and hoping to escape into sleep.

So tomorrow, I should have an Ultrasound scan. Meantime, I'm trying my best to think positively, but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I told my friends that if I lose this baby, I'll go straight to our local animal shelter and adopt three dogs, who'll give me something to live for.

But right now, I don't know how I'm going to cope. I need ALL my friends around me. It'll help when I'm back online, but that could take up to two weeks, to connect me in my flat. I've got a few friends who will let me use their PCs, so I can log on here. I only hope that I can push myself to get out of bed tomorrow and the next day and the next day....

Sorry to be such a misery guts. :cry: Have any of you got some positive suggestions for me?


See less See more
21 - 29 of 29 Posts

May I come and join you in misery Sunshine ? What a sad story.

Anyway, ring the hospital straight away. Don't put it off. And, as is easy for us neurotics - think the worst !! So when everything turns out OK, as it probably will, the relief will be even better. My sister had a polycistic (spelling?) ovary removed, and she still had two kids, so don't worry.

Take care.
Hey, Martin!

Of course you can come and join me in misery! Only trouble is, I'm feeling a lot better tonight, but I'd be more than happy to hear any miseries you'd like to share. It'd help me to stop feeling so sorry for myself! I haven't read many posts here recently (as I'm not online at home yet), so I don't know how you are - except for reading that you got laid and didn't remember much about it! BTW, I reckon she asked for your 'phone number, so she could nick more of your stuff afterwards!!! :wink: :lol: Seriously, though - did you ever find the culprit?

Now I need to get laid....!!! :(

All joking aside, how are you now, Martin? I assume you've finished that course of Chemo.? I really hope you're doing ok.

Thanks for your kind, encouraging words. I rang the hospital first thing this morning. They asked me to go in for a pregnancy test and a scan!! :cry: She was sorry to hear I'd miscarried. Seems there was a breakdown in communication.....
I'm so sorry about all that has happened! I hope that you feel better soon. Also, if you haven't already thought about trying to adopt, that might be something you might want to consider. There is a lot to go through to adopt though. You should get some dogs if you can too. Dogs always make you feel better and cheer you up. You will probably feel good about adopting a dog since you save its life.
Ah god, that's a bummer. What a spectacular mix up in communication. I don't know why hopsitals or whatever don't take more care with something as emotive as maternity. Idiots.

I'm OK thanks. I've recently finished my second bout of seven poisonings with chemo. I've got to wait for a while and if my platelet count isn't back to normal, or as close to normal as can be expected, I've then got to decide when to go for 'aggressive' chemo, and radiotherapy, or just take my chances. I know it's perhaps not the way to look at it, but I don't know if I can handle going through it all again - just for the sake of adding a few years on my life. It's unlikely that the strain I've got will kill me, in the near future anyway, and I might just have to live with getting blisters and sores and stuff.

As for getting laid and losing all my property ! :lol: Well, I lost my stuff long before I met this woman, so it wasn't her fault. I did agree to see her again (big of me eh?), but I didn't. I'm a little bit embarrassed to be honest, because I was completely smashed out of my face, and (horrors of horrors) she might expect me to be able to keep it up (extreme boozing, random excess) on another night out...which my poor body will not allow without 14 days of detox and lying quietly in a dark room afterwards. But the whole episode leaked a little of my avarice so I'm not content to sit at home and read. For a little while anyway.
See less See more
Shadow Cat, thanks for your kind words. As for adopting, I wouldn't stand a chance, as I've got a long history of Depression, etc.. Anyway, I'm getting on with my life pretty well now.

Every day that passes, I DO think more and more of adopting some dogs. I can save their lives, yes! Then in return, they'd save mine.

Martin, thanks for updating me. I pray that your platelet count WILL be back to normal. If not, then I can understand what a very difficult decision it would be, to either go for 'aggressive' Chemo and Radiotherapy, or just take your chances.

I've donated 97 pints of blood (shame we don't get paid for it here, like they do in the States!), I'm a bone marrow donor, I wouldn't think twice about donating a kidney to a loved one, and when I snuff it, my family and friends all know that I wish to donate my organs, etc..

I don't donate plasma and platelets anymore. They won't take it, because I'm on anti-depressants. However, it's good to know how strict they are over here, as there's very little chance of catching something nasty from a transfusion. Martin, my blood group is ORH Positive. If there is something I can give you to help you, then I'd be more than happy to oblige.

Please take good care of yourself. X
See less See more
Hi Sunshine,

So sorry to read of your troubles!

I pray you will fine

about selling blood, I don't think they pay for it here in the U.S anymore.. could be wrong

adopting a pet is a great idea
Hi Byrde!

Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm sorry to read that you've also known the heartache of giving away baby stuff.

Every time I think that things are improving, depression grips me and I'm right back where I started. Yesterday, I felt suicidal again. I've tried to escape into sleep, in the hope that I'll wake up feeling better, but I keep having terrible nightmares, so I wake up feeling just as bad. I'm feeling a little better now. I know I'll be okay when the depression lifts. Sorry to moan, but I'm just so fed up of this constant heartache. It's not just losing my baby, but the truth is I still love Lance. I would never in a million years take him back, but I'm finding it really difficult to move on.

About the depo - thanks for the warning, but I'm one of the lucky ones, as I've been on it for years before and I've never had any side effects.

As for the lumps on my ovary and fallopian tube, I've decided to blank it all out of my mind. I'll deal with it, if and when the hospital contacts me.

I'm so sorry to read that you had uterine cancer last year and went through hell. I'm so glad you're alright now.

I was only joking about getting paid for blood! I just meant that I'd be rich. He he! I watched a comedy, where this American bloke is skint, so he keeps selling his blood, each time giving a different name and wearing disguises, until he eventually collapses.

I've started to buy things for dogs. When I've got a drawer full of chews, medicines, shampoo and everything I need to spoil them with, I've decided I AM going to go and adopt some furry people. They'll give me lots of meaning in life.
See less See more
P.S. I'll be online at home on 11th August, so that'll help me a lot. I'll be able to log on here every day then and catch up with reading everyone's posts.
21 - 29 of 29 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.