Hi, you guys!
Sorry it's been a while since I last posted here.
For those of you who don't know me, my partner and I had been trying to concieve for almost a year. We've been living together for almost four years. Even though he already has two boys, 11 and 13, he was insistent that he would LOVE to have another child.
Last month, I discovered the fabulous news that I was pregnant. I was ecstatic! My partner seemed over the moon when I shared the wonderful news, but the following day, I noticed a change in him.
To cut a long story short, he quickly lost all interest in me and our baby. I begged him to open up and talk to me, even if what he had to say would break my heart. He kept refusing to talk. I don't believe there's another woman, as he rarely goes out of his flat. I think he's suddenly realised he DOESN'T want another child, after all (Any suggestions?).
Then he fitted a door, which seperated our huge apartment (It was originally two flats). As you can imagine, I was distraught. I went through hell, wondering how on earth I was going to manage on my own with a baby, what with my Depression, DP, DR, anxiety, etc.. What with the heartache of splitting up, too, I felt suicidal. Thank goodness I've got some good friends and a loving family. Everyone had noticed the sudden change in him. Unknown to me, my dad had even asked him if he was happy about the baby. He said he was.
Anyway, I managed to find the strength to carry on. I decided I would simply do the best I can. It helped to know that I'll be closely monitored, due to my long history of Depression. It was only last week that I started to enjoy my pregnancy. I knew this baby would be the best thing to ever happen in my life. Such a precious miracle...
But for the past couple of days, I've been bleeding and had period pains. Last night, I had severe diarrhoea for thirteen and a half hours. I took the maximum dose of Immodium, but it didn't work. My GP referred me to an out-of-hours doctor, who explained that the diarrhoea was hormonal. She told me to see my GP tomorrow morning, who will arrange for me to have an ultrasound scan immediately, as she thinks my pregnancy could be ectopic.
But a few hours ago, the blood became very heavy and the period pain was bad. I've taken paracetamol, but they haven't eased the pain. I spoke to a different out-of-hours doctor, who told me to go to Accident and Emergency, should the pain become unbearable. After answering all my questions, he told me that there would be nothing they could do to stop it, if it IS a miscarriage. All they would be able to do is monitor me. I decided I'd rather be in my own bed, hiding away...praying...and hoping to escape into sleep.
So tomorrow, I should have an Ultrasound scan. Meantime, I'm trying my best to think positively, but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I told my friends that if I lose this baby, I'll go straight to our local animal shelter and adopt three dogs, who'll give me something to live for.
But right now, I don't know how I'm going to cope. I need ALL my friends around me. It'll help when I'm back online, but that could take up to two weeks, to connect me in my flat. I've got a few friends who will let me use their PCs, so I can log on here. I only hope that I can push myself to get out of bed tomorrow and the next day and the next day....
Sorry to be such a misery guts.
Have any of you got some positive suggestions for me?
Love,
Lesley
