[Guest]

I just received an email from a former co-worker who had a mother who was suffering from terminal cancer that informed me that she had died on Monday night.

Right now I cannot understand how it has happened that this upbeat, positive, wonderful 22-year old girl had to suffer not only the slow, painful loss of her mother for 2 years due to skin cancer turned terminal but also had to go through the sudden accidental death of her father due to a plane crash when she was just nine years old.

I am mad that nature could do this to her. I am mad that God could do this to her. What are the chances of this type of thing happening to anyone? She's an orphan now. And I am angry. Not sure at what exactly, but I feel disgusted and revolted that anyone should have to go through this, anyone. This is BULLSHIT.

Just needed to vent. I will pray for her now...

 

[Martinelv]

A truely sad tale. I knew (from a friend of a friend) someone who had twins, and one died at the age of three (from asthma) and the other, two days later, from falling from a balcony. A year later, the woman got pregnant again, died during childbirth, the husband disappeared (grief stricken - case closed as Suicide) and the child was put up for adoption. She is now at the age of 13, and apart from selling her body for heroin, has also got Hep B. Oh, and she's living in a tent with her 26 year old junkie waster.

Sarah - life is completely indifferent to us. Terrible things happen all the time. Good things happen all the time. When great things happen, we might either thank god or ourselves or good fortune, but when in reality is us you make it happen. When terrible things happen, as you describe, it's just plain simple bad luck.

As you say, some of the things people have to go through defies belief. But I think it's a waste of time being angry at this. As hard as it is to believe, some people (a lot of people) get extremely tough breaks. Stow the anger. Things can get better. Be proactive, help her.

 

[Lilymoonchild]

I used to believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I no longer believe this. No other theory has yet replaced it. Sometimes it just hurts, and you're no better for it. But anger directed at no one is meaningless, and sometimes that hurts more than all the other hurt that life already causes. I don't think this helps, I only hope it makes sense.

 

[Martinelv]

I used to believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I don't believe this either. It's a nice sentiment, and sometimes can be comforting and helpful for those with an iron will and determination to right a wrong. I doubt if a quadraplegic after a car crash would agree with it.

I'm finally divorced now, after nearly two years of protracted financial negotiations, and while it very nearly killed me, it certainly hasn't made me stronger. It's made me bitter, sad, and, if truth be known, eyes wide open to the visciousness that people are capable of. By that's just Lord Horton of the Good Ship Cynic speaking.

 

[Lilymoonchild]

I used to believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I no longer believe this.

I would like to ammend this statement. While I don't believe any bad experience will make you a better person, I do believe that when sh*t happens, you have the ability to do with it what you will. You may cower in a corner for the rest of your life, resentful and bitter about past events. Or you may move on, changed, and not always for the better, but working with what you've got.

As my sig says "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." I believe that sorrow carves a big crevass into your soul whether you want it to or not, but you choose whether to fill that canyon with anger and fear and resentment, or joy and beauty and love.

 

[rainboteers]

Lillymoon--I love your sig

.... and also like mine says Life is not what happens to you, but what you DO with what happens to you. Thats the area of your life where you have choices.... you can make the best of it, let the terrible things make you stronger and wiser, or let them make you become bitter and angry....that part is up to you :wink:

 

[Milan]

Martin wrote:

It's made me bitter, sad, and, if truth be known, eyes wide open to the visciousness that people are capable of.

I hear you. I've had a hefty dose of reality pills the last couple of years and it too has made me see the world in a different light. I believe most people are good and want to be good but when the sh*t hits the fan you suddenly realise who you can trust. I've come to the conclusion recently that the only people I can truly trust in the times of real need and desperation are my parents. After having a child I understand how strong love can be for anther person and I know that Thomas can trust me more than I can trust myself. I would do anything, and I mean anything for his well being. It must be a biological thing. That's how I know that I can trust my parents as they would have similar feelings towards me.

I also have become a little more cynical in recent times but I'm also so much wiser for it. The good thing now is that I don't worry as much as I use to about the useless superficial things and I have really started appreciating those little things that most people don't even notice during the day (like respite from DP/DR) .

I too don't get why nature can torment some people the way it does. It makes no sense. Why give us consciousness and then make us aware that one day it will just vanish? Why all the pain? A lot of questions with no answers. I simply try not to think about. Just do the best you can (without hurting others) and help those that are more needy than your self.

 

[Martinelv]

I too don't get why nature can torment some people the way it does

You are assuming that there is some intent in nature's behaviour. There isn't. Nature just is. It is completely indifferent to us. There is always a reason (not purpose) why things happen, and all we can do is spend our lives trying not to get in the way of natures more destructive forces. Be it keeping healthy, running away from danger, loving others....etc. We have to take risks though, however minor they seem, because otherwise life wouldn't be worth living. And sometimes these minor risks have the habit of slapping us in the face. Life is a struggle, a risk, even for us - the apparently superior being on this planet, top of the food chain. Which is why, I think, that because we live in safe (ish) societies with medicine, science, air bags, police, we can't understand why bad things happen to us, and even worse, when it happens out of the blue.

We mustn't belittle anyones suffering, however ridiculous it may seem to us. But in the time it has taken for me to write this post, hundreds of thousands of people have died, millions of creatures are running for their lives, cowering in terror, struggling to find food....etc...

Life just, well, is. All we can do is try and make the best of it.

 

[Milan]

I probably worded that wrong and didn't express myself as cleary as I wished - poor writing skills. I actually agree with you that things simply are and sh*t happens. Nature couldn't care less. There is no purpose and yes you can trace back in time the reason why a certain event occurred.

Just live and do our best; that's all we can do.