[Guest]

Ok so the day started off well, i went to the gym, helped my friend work on his car. Then i came home and i got in a fight with my brother over nothing, we started going at it, fist to fist, i got a couple hits to his head knocked him down to his feet, he looked disoriented then he kicked me in the stomach and kept puching me in the head, then i put him in a choke hold. When i get violent i really get violent then my mom pops up out of nowhere and keeps me from beating his ass down. I get pissed off and i break a door go fucking crazy, my brother starts to get scared and runs, i seriously wanted to kill him. I started just to go into tears with anger, just fucking went all out. Broke alot of his stuff. Then my mom freaked again i called her a shitload of names, she said go kill yourself noone likes you, your just like your fucking father! So i was like fuck you whore, and i jumped in my car with my emotion running high hit the road and i kept going at high speeds at about 130 mph almost lost control a couple of times, i didnt realise how fast i was going until i actually looked around and everythin was zoomin by me, Then a cop pulls me over thankfully i was only going 60 in a 35 at the time, i got 200 dollar ticket. I get pissed keep speeding, i just hoped i would crash and die. After about an hour of driving and thinking i just gave up went home and my mom just kept bitching, I think ive had enough of all this shit, I just want to die right now and not feel anything, just disappear from existence. I wish i was never born. I am sooo depressed right now, i dont want to do anything, i dont want to fight this crappy disorder, i dont want to go to school, i dont want anything, I feel sooo bad right now, Super DR vision, I feel like im stuck in a video game.

 

[university girl]

Me too. :wink: Not quite sure what else to say. Are you seeing a psychiatrist these days? When I feel like shit, I write a 'plan of action'. Get out a pen and paper and write down what you should do next in order to help yourself. It's up to you.

 

[Guest]

ive seen a psychiatrist, it doesn't do me any good, it doesn't work for me. My mom is a psychiatrist, i dont know it just doesn't work, All i know is depression, i have had it for 4 years, All my thoughts of happiness are slowly fading away. The only thing that made me happy was smoking cannabis, now i cant do that anymore without being afraid that i'll go psychotic. Theres nothing left for me in this world, i fucking dropped out of high school , im a fuckin loser, everyday for the past 4 years i have been told im worthless and that i will end up a criminal. It finally has sunk in that is exactly what i will be. Either i will become a criminal or i will kill myself.

 

[university girl]

You CAN go back to school.

 

[AHuseman]

it'll pass

 

[Guest]

You know, it's really hard when no one understands how this feels. It's really hard when everyone treats you as though you are lazy and unmotivated, when really you mentally can not bring yourself to function in the real world.

I know how you are feeling dude, but life will improve, you will not become a criminal, life will get better. The very fact that you are still going after 4 years shows a lot of strength. This illness makes us all feel so weak, but that fact that we keep on going, form a community on here, do anything, shows so much strength... it's just a pity that only we really know the strength it takes.

Keep posting on here, keep letting us know how you feel, everything isn't lost.

 

[Guest]

thanks guys, im feelin better

 

[Guest]

Don't put yaself down...I know it sounds cliche but things'll ease up...good and bad days are always gonna happen....

 

[sebastian]

yeah, really sorry to hear about all that JU. Don't know what else to say.

I fight quite often with my brother as well. I've often torn out of the house and hopped into a car like that (that speeding ticket must have really been the icing on the cake :wink: ). These are the bad times for all of us. Things will get better.

s.