[Guest]

I've been having DP symptoms for about nine months now --- since my baby was born. I've been struggling forever to articulate what I've been going through. I tried to explain to my doctors, a couple psychologists I saw, my husband and family. Finally I came up with the description that I feel like I am watching myself live, like I am asleep but awake, like I am playing a video game with my life. Is that what you guys have every day? Can someone let me know if they are experiencing the same thing. I just need to know that I am not alone. I open my eyes in the morning and think, "Here I am." I notice my presence all the time. Instead of just living and doing stuff every day, I NOTICE that I am living and doing things every day. When I am driving I think all the time, what are we doing? We are just these beings that are always on this planet. I notice and then think about cars that I drive by, like I notice their presence instead of just driving by them. Does this make sense to anyone? I'm 23 and I know I still have like 50 years to be here in this existence. I think aobut that all the time instead of just living. I notice a person scratching their head a think about the fact that that is what they are doing right at that moment. Can anyone let me know if they relate? I can't be alone in this.

 

[M A R S]

This is so close to how i feel right now. I was driving tonight and i was thinking the same things..

I was also thinking how I'm 31, "How the hell will i make it, I just don't think i can"

Then i have like 60 seconds of not freaking out, then i freak out about that. I know this is caused by stress and anxiety, but as of yet i cant put my finger on the exact mechanism that caused it.

I know just how you feel, your not alone. I'm sure you just having a subconscious reality check about your new baby and all the new responsibilities that it brings.

I'm sure in time you will be free of this fear and free of the fear of this new reality.

 

[rainboteers]

I am also 23 and I know how you feel, it really is awful. I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom for you. I sure wish that I did, but you are defineately not alone.

 

[bright23]

hey nes,

Hi and welcome.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist, therapist regularily? Once a week/every other/once a month? Or does this mean "a couple psychologists I saw" that you made an appointment to specifically ask about this current state of mind? What did they have to say?

 

[peaceboy23]

Welcome to the board...i hope that it can help you work your way through this...one of the burdens of this beast is how difficult it is to explain what you are feeling...I think of the metaphor of trying to explain being hungry to someone who has always had food. That is one nice thing about this board, is that there are others who understand, who have gotten through it and can offer us little trinkets to pick up along our own journey (ok, I think i'm getting too metaphor happy here). Anyway, good luck and together we can get through this, even when we are feeling our worst!

PS. I also understnad about driving...sometimes I'll drive by someone and look in their car and start to think about what they are thinking, what they think when they saw me...this happens in other occasions too...instead of just saying "there is a man driving a car" it becomes "there is a man who is probably thinking things about me, what is he thinking, he is probably happier than me, why can't i be like him, etc."

 

[peaceboy23]

One more thing...one problem, as has been repeatedly stated, but very unsettling, is the fact that we think too much. We have somehow forgotten to just be/do and instead think about everything...for me, at least, instead of just driving, I think "I am driving" or "I am watching TV" or "I am thinking." I just THINK too much...i think about driving, i think about walking, i think about ringing something up at the register at work, and worse of all, i think about thinking or think about thinking about thinking, and then it just goes downhill. Blah.