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124 Posts
This is gonna be long I apologise in advance I'm just lost right now I got back with my ex whom I've been on and off with for 6 years more on than off I've lived with him for the entire relationship other than 2 months of it I started having the dream like feelings a few months ago after I have CPR to my mother in law during her heart attack she lived and afterwards I just lost it looked once she was okay I could finally snap moving forward I got better for about two months we found out a family member had cancer and he wasn't gonna be with us much longer we lost him in October I started feeling completely out of body the night he passed I was there with him and I came home to rest finally and it felt like my soul left my body things started looking different they were familiar but still strange like I was in a new place even though I wasn't me and my spouse had a rough time over the last 6 months alot of back and forth fights breaking up getting back together we recently got back together and things have been way better but he and everyone else feels like I stranger even down to my own family everything looks strange including myself sitting alone I get scared over the thought that I'm stuck with myself mentally and physically at all times I saw a therapist who has mentioned dpdr and told me it's a coping mechanism but what I don't understand is the fear I have the memories I have of him and others make me feel as if he and everyone else aren't the people I remember I'm just not understanding what's happening or is this normal and I also have these odd flashes of memories they'll all come in at once and ice caught my self thinking I'm back in that time and place even with good memories I know my reality I know where I'm at but when I look around the things I once knew so we'll seem so different and confusing and sadly scary I'm not sure what to do and I think I may be going crazy it's odd to me that I can know where I'm at and who I'm around and still question it at times I question is this real or is it just a dream or maybe what I remembered hasn't happened yet or just seems to be getting worse I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not losing my mind and more and more I keep having these weird feelings when I get certain memories and I'll get excited and feel like what's already happened is gonna happen again or like it just happened yesterday I'm very scared and at this point don't know what to do I thought I was getting better because I stopped questioning everything but now I'm getting scared of myself again almost more than when it first happened I just need answers