[Abe89]

Note: Feeling Isolated for me means feeling like I'm alone in the world and have no allies and other people are more or less think of me as an enemy.
So I have no choice but to think other people as enemies myself. It feels stupid when I'm writing this but I feel this way all the time.
That's the reason I'm writing this post so I can let out this stupid shitty thoughts.

I easily fall into the state of feeling isolated. It's like the bottom of the pit for me.
I think it's something I had since childhood. I remember feeling isolated, sad and angry as a child.
I think it's the reason I keep going back to that state of mind.

Anyways I don't have any close friends. It's unlikely I will make friends in the future.
The reason is I am awkward and quite bad in verbal communication with people that are close to me.
And There's not much mental health support where I'm from.
I've had DP for too long and therefore now I am always living inside my head for most part of a day.

I just like to describe how it feels like for me, just so I can let it out. Otherwise I feel like exploding.
So when I am feeling isolated I have two options. One is a very logical one and the other is not very logical.
1. Find a way to end my life in a responsible and dignified way. This is based on self love.
2. Destroy everything including myself like in something like a nuclear explosion. I think in this case I just want to destroy myself and cause pain to myself as much as possible rather than others.
This is because deep inside I hate myself for letting me feel this way. I heard a story of a depressed woman who jumped into a pit of crocodiles and was eaten alive. I imagine she felt a similar kind of self hatred.
Today while unplugging the laptop charger I briefly thought about electrocuting myself.

I hope someone will read this post and let me know if there's any easy way to feel not isolated.
I mean is there a trick that I can use to not fall into this state of mind?

 

[Al_pk]

There is no easy cure to any of this stuff. We can sometimes find ourselves in mental ruts as a result of anxiety, depression or dp. I am in one myself.

You say you are awkward and bad at verbal communication, but i don't beleive you. I once thought the same about myself in my teens. Turns out, once the anxiety and low mood lifted, i was social, eloquent, extremely mentally agile and with a good sense of humour. No problem. I believe this is the same for most people suffering anxiety and DP, they miss-attribute problems with interaction as being their personality when it is not. And you start to resent not having these qualities when they coukd be yours too.

I'm sorry you do not have mental health support, however you don't need doctors or medications to recover from DP, anxiety or depression. Your nervous system is out of whack. Explaining recovery is lengthy, but a good place to start is reading up. I'd recommend 'at last a life' by Paul David. It saved me all those years ago

 

[Abe89]

Thank you for the replies guys. I really appreciate it. I read the replies next morning but I had some work so I couldn't reply.
I was actually feeling a lot better the next morning. Hopefully I won't feel as bad as that again for sometime.

You say you are awkward and bad at verbal communication, but i don't beleive you. I once thought the same about myself in my teens. Turns out, once the anxiety and low mood lifted, i was social, eloquent, extremely mentally agile and with a good sense of humour. No problem. I believe this is the same for most people suffering anxiety and DP, they miss-attribute problems with interaction as being their personality when it is not. And you start to resent not having these qualities when they coukd be yours too.

I'm sorry you do not have mental health support, however you don't need doctors or medications to recover from DP, anxiety or depression. Your nervous system is out of whack. Explaining recovery is lengthy, but a good place to start is reading up. I'd recommend 'at last a life' by Paul David. It saved me all those years ago

You are right AI_pk, I know for a fact that I have good social skills and that I enjoy being social with people. Because I had couple of days last year where my DP was almost gone.
I went out more those two days and enjoyed talking with people. I was able to make jokes and actually enjoy myself.
But since this is a long-term condition myself and my condition is more or less the same. It's what other people see and it's what they believe.
`At Last a life` sounds interesting. I'll try to find it. Thanks again.

Hey, Abe. I relate to what you're saying here. Like so many others, I've experienced things that make me doubt humanity, including myself. People are often saying and doing things that are deeply disappointing, sometimes monstrous, and this spins me out into very bad moods. As for depersonalization, I don't think it necessarily has to separate us from those around us, at least not completely. We can connect to people anyway, and we don't have to be adversarial towards them.

That'll be true if you do commit suicide. With a whole lifetime, you'll most likely make some friends. I understand that might not lessen the pain you're feeling in the moment, and that simply making friends isn't usually a person's ultimate goal in life.

I know what you mean @Where. I'm feeling better so I am not having those thoughts at the moment.

I meant it's unlikely I'll make any friends in my present condition assuming it won't improve.
I do feel good about 2020 though, I think good things will happen this year. Thanks @Where.

 

[Al_pk]

Yes I knew it. Just remember it is the condition not you, always. Don't worry about peoples perception of you being some kind of shuffly intoverted guy... if and when you bounce back they will all be like wow whose this fucking guy and you'll be loving life. I promise. The whole cycle has happened to me in my past.

All you gotta focus on now is continual improvement. Bring the fire back. I'm glad you've been feeling a little better

 

[bigpwn]

It is quite normal to feel alone and like the world is your enemy when you are anxious and depressed.

I myself am feeling this way lately. But you have to remember this is not the truth, it's just your current state of mind. Once it changes you will see the world in a different light, I know because I've been in and out of it twice now

Actually when it's winter this feeling is amplified 100x for me, could be seasonal depression