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well, after 8 months i'm beginning to get used to this feeling as it doesn't affect me a lot anymore.

I've been working on my self steam, my rights as a human being, standing up for myself, ...

i've stopped most of my self-deprecating habits of thought and action and it feels better to be a human.

During this time , i always had emotions, i cried , laughed, ...

i'm making progress regarding feeling emotions. i'm feeling love and hatred but most of the time in an uncontrollable way.

i'm opening a new mini-business for myself selling art.

but after all of this, i have not yet connected to parts of myself i'm dissociating from.

i still have a little DP and complete DR.

what i just learnt about myself is that i used to be so fuckin harsh on everything. i mean i used to be a 100% perfectionist piece of shit. i needed things to be a specific way ( ocd ) and i never knew those disorders existed in me. i cared a lot about what people thought about me or my house or my car but now i'm fine. i'm just learning about all of my self-limiting dangerous habits that put a lot of f**king stress on my body and brain.

will i ever have a job ?

will people like me?

do they really like me now?

am i pathetic ?

am i weak ?

do i have to WIN my life ?

do i have to FIND the meaning of everything around me ?

do i have to know how my car works or just to know how to make money?

...

my venting's done

just wanted to say that DPDR for ME has psychological roots. i know for a fact ( now that i'm out of that person who i used to be) that i don't like what i used to be before this. I somehow hate that person and i am just becoming aware of the aspects in which my hatred for parts of me are suppressed. I KNOW that DPDR or DDD or DPD or wtf it is, is PROTECTING ME from all the shit i hated about my life.

and excuse my language i'm just being honest ;)
 
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