Im confused

Hello,

I doubt anyone will be able to understand this, but if you do, I would appreciate your advice and comments.

I've been on various Anti Depressants over the last few years, although I have been Anti Depressant free now for about 4 months. Im started to get really worried now as I am getting days where I feel really confused. Certain days feel totally different to other days. Im constantly comparing how I felt before to how I feel now. I sometimes get feelings of how I used to feel before but then they go away. Then they come back again and go away. Cant they just come back and stay permanently????

Im always thinking that the meds have fcuked me up and I will never again be normal.

Meds I've been on are Cipramil ( Worked a treat but then I came of them), St Johns Wort ( Did'nt work), Cipramil again ( Did'nt have the same effect as the first time), Effexor ( Nightmare, never again) then 5HTP (really tired and constantly confused).