[Illiterate]

im 18 and a freshman in college and feel like i have Had DP since the end of 11th grade. I have had really bad problems with my mom growing up (emotionally and physically abusive). All I feel is fear and anxiety but cant actually feel it at the same time. I know that doesn't make sense but its like im watching myself from the outside feel it. I feel like my body is not mine anymore. When I go to my room at night i feel so sad, scared but calm at the same time. I cant figure out what is real and what is not. Sometimes at night I think that I am going through different dimensions and time and space is calapsing in on me. Its like that one scene from man of steal when he first is getting his powers and everything is super intense and overwhelming. I always feel pressure in my head and can barley concentrate or even recognize myself. I constantly doubt things that should be very straight forward and its really hard to understand anything that the teachers are trying to teach me. I feel like ive turned downsyndrome and cant understand things normal people do. It feels like I have no thoughts or feelings. Even though I feel a super deep sadness all the time. My eyes always feel like they are on fire and always feel like ive just been crying even though i havent. When I go around the friends I used to hang around all I feel is complete panic and pressure in my head. I feel like a zombie or robot and cant ever get satisfaction. I dont feel like I actually have control of myself. For about a week when the DP got really bad I thought that I was a devil in disguise coming up to be evil and that scared me so much. I also think that everyone can see inside my head and know exactly what i think. It feel weak, tired, robotic and dead. I feel so disasociated from being human that I see humans as aliens rather than normal now. I feel so scared that im turning schizo but i dont think I would be aware of it if I was. I used to the funny guy in school and make everyone laugh and everyone would love me but now I litterally feel invisible to myself and loosing my sense of humor, energy and creativeness. Nothing comes to my head and I think that ive died and gone to some type of hell. Everything I used to love doing i dont anymore and feel so gone. Ive tried to do things that I used to like doing when i was very youg to help reconect myself somehow like building legos and playing wii sports and lego starwars but i feel like im not even there when doing them. Im the oldest of 4 and feel like my younger brothers are older than me and am scared of them now and that just makes it worse.

Is this DP or something else. I have no idea.

 

[Forever blank]

It really sounds like your dissociation comes from trauma. Have you tried taking to a therapist?

 

[Illiterate]

It really sounds like your dissociation comes from trauma. Have you tried taking to a therapist?

ya but what is the therapist supposed to do?

 

[Illiterate]

and everyday im tired and life just feels like a big blur. Im angry and upset all the time and I have this burning hate for everyone. it feels like i cant keep up.

 

[ReiTheySay]

I relate, a lot to the way you describe how you are, I think every single thing you said.

I haven't met a doctor that can help me, but I've worked through some things on my own, very slowly, and external factors of settling in and a more stable sense of safety paved the way, to a manageable living.

A trauma therapist should help you untangle what led you to this state.

 

[Illiterate]

I relate, a lot to the way you describe how you are, I think every single thing you said.

I haven't met a doctor that can help me, but I've worked through some things on my own, very slowly, and external factors of settling in and a more stable sense of safety paved the way, to a manageable living.

A trauma therapist should help you untangle what led you to this state.

Thanks for replying!
I have. I already know how i got to this state but i just want to find a way to move forward and get out of it so i can continue with my life. cus it feels like im waisting my life because im not experiencing anything i want to

 

[fleurry]

Hi! Firstly i want to say that we are going through the same things, I have some traumas like you and I've been living with anxiety and DP / DR all the time. I read about this and it says that in subconscious, trauma tells you that you will be back to that bad times and it makes you feel like you'll live the past again. Now i believe thats why we are scared and on alert af all the time. I'm planning to have a trauma therapy. Remind yourself: You are better, brave and more stronger than these shitty feelings!

 

[AnnaGiulia]

Hey guys, I support you and encourage you to go to trauma therapy. EMDR helped me out of a terrible state of dissociation, that I could not cope with on my own any more. It took me six months to go through most of the traumatic memories in therapy. Trauma therapy and trauma memories integration will not make the traumatic event/s go away, but they will give them a more balanced role in your lives, and you will not be hijacked all the time by it. Take all the help you can get!
Best,
A.