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I'm already dead and this is Hell.

13850 Views 10 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Iamlivinginhell
Title speaks for itself.

First time I got my panic attack i had some instant realization that i've been in hell all this time and that, this is what it looks like. Not the figurative bullshit people refer to when they don't really mean it. I think I'm genuinely in christian hell or whatever. maybe i'm not supposed to remember who i was before i was born in this. i only really feel the torture when i put my mind to the possibility. maybe the torture is the truth that we can never be sure if the world has left us? I remember one night when I had an episode, although I contain myself really well and people barely ever notice when I'm freaking out, I was entering an elevator with two other people and one of them turned and looked at me and I couldn't make out what he said. It was all distorted and didn't sound human, he said "welcome to hell". so thats that.
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I am living in hel since the age of 12. Sometimes I wonder if I died and been put in hell and I don't even realize it. I just want out. I want to have some happiness in my life. I am tired of suffering and being sad. I work hard to have happiness in my life it just never happens. It all comes down to how people treat you and how you look. The more attractive you are the better life you have. The more unattractive you are the worse people treat you. People talk about racism they are miss placing it. Its more like lookism. If you don't look attractive to people the 95% will treat you like crap. the 5% may be nice to you but they will only be your friend. Its just human nature to want attractive things. Its just sad our minds are this shallow. I admit I want an attractive woman. Its just to bad we were programmed and made this way an this is what life is. There is no way to get out of depression. You are either a happy person and things go wel for you. Or your a depressed person and things go bad. there is no in between or cure for it. The only cure is you know what it is. But if you can't attain that cure then you become depressed and feel trapped in a world that you don't want to be apart of anymore.
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