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I'm already dead and this is Hell.

13845 Views 10 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Iamlivinginhell
Title speaks for itself.

First time I got my panic attack i had some instant realization that i've been in hell all this time and that, this is what it looks like. Not the figurative bullshit people refer to when they don't really mean it. I think I'm genuinely in christian hell or whatever. maybe i'm not supposed to remember who i was before i was born in this. i only really feel the torture when i put my mind to the possibility. maybe the torture is the truth that we can never be sure if the world has left us? I remember one night when I had an episode, although I contain myself really well and people barely ever notice when I'm freaking out, I was entering an elevator with two other people and one of them turned and looked at me and I couldn't make out what he said. It was all distorted and didn't sound human, he said "welcome to hell". so thats that.
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Hey guys hope you don't mind me putting a post up, I'm exactly the same, I've been pushing through my
Mum left an abusive partner and shortly after I started to Q to mum, is it normal to just stare at the tv, is it normal to not think and have thoughts, even beig in my own home I feel disconnected but this was "normal" I've been off sick for 5 months haven't as of yet had a diagnosis but nothing seems to register from what I do from
What people say, I've been like it since a child and I don't know how to repair it? I'm
An only child, mum doesn't really talk that
Much, my friends are great but they don't fully understand, Im very much on my
Own! I have no internal dialogue, thoughts are non existent, I actually don't even know who I
Am! Everyday feels and sees the same for
Me! And now I'm aware that this isn't
Normal I'm finding it hard to just get back to who I was? Who ever that was? Does this sense? Any advice would be awsome! I don't feel connected to anything or anyone, nothing seems to register with my brain. :( blank mind 24/7, I guessed I pushed trough not being aware and not fully accepting it but now I'm aware, it's hit me like a ton of bricks :((
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Hey guys hope you don't mind me putting a post up, I'm exactly the same, I've been pushing through my
Mum left an abusive partner and shortly after I started to Q to mum, is it normal to just stare at the tv, is it normal to not think and have thoughts, even beig in my own home I feel disconnected but this was "normal" I've been off sick for 5 months haven't as of yet had a diagnosis but nothing seems to register from what I do from
What people say, I've been like it since a child and I don't know how to repair it? I'm
An only child, mum doesn't really talk that
Much, my friends are great but they don't fully understand, Im very much on my
Own! I have no internal dialogue, thoughts are non existent, I actually don't even know who I
Am! Everyday feels and sees the same for
Me! And now I'm aware that this isn't
Normal I'm finding it hard to just get back to who I was? Who ever that was? Does this sense? Any advice would be awsome! I don't feel connected to anything or anyone, nothing seems to register with my brain. :( blank mind 24/7, I guessed I pushed trough not being aware and not fully accepting it but now I'm aware, it's hit me like a ton of bricks :((,
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Someone help me please this is hell! Now I've come to the realisation that this isn't normal to just be blank all day long, not connected to anything is so hard :( even writing this my brain is blank! I adapted my personality to this, people talk nothing registers I have no interests, I keep myself busy at work but I don't know what goes on there
1 - 3 of 11 Posts
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