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I'm already dead and this is Hell.

13851 Views 10 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Iamlivinginhell
Title speaks for itself.

First time I got my panic attack i had some instant realization that i've been in hell all this time and that, this is what it looks like. Not the figurative bullshit people refer to when they don't really mean it. I think I'm genuinely in christian hell or whatever. maybe i'm not supposed to remember who i was before i was born in this. i only really feel the torture when i put my mind to the possibility. maybe the torture is the truth that we can never be sure if the world has left us? I remember one night when I had an episode, although I contain myself really well and people barely ever notice when I'm freaking out, I was entering an elevator with two other people and one of them turned and looked at me and I couldn't make out what he said. It was all distorted and didn't sound human, he said "welcome to hell". so thats that.
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Not to sound like an asshole, but that's ridiculous. I'm sure a Christian Hell would be worse than feeling out of your body.

What have you done? Therapy, medications? We all feel hopeless with this disorder time to time, but having that attitude will only take you deeper down the rabbit hole.

Sink or swim.
Just going through the motions. Starting to notice a lot more substituded dialogue here and there (this may be how people drive themselves to schizophrenia?). You don't think I know what the world was like before this started happening? I know how ridiculous it sounds. I'm not the only one who realized this, and the people who don't understand it yet play a big part in torturing those that do, even if they don't mean to. The torture is the question left unanswered. No medicine or therapy can ever fix that. I now accept it. I just don't want to care anymore. I'd rather feel like I've lost to it than to feel that there is a chance to feel 'normal' again, even if it's in our nature to wish it all away. If you understood it, you would know why it can't be beaten or ignored. Call it what you will, but this is the hell that's been talked about for centuries. It's all here. Down to the very last chamber.

Psalm 88:12
"... a place of darkness, silence and forgetfulness"
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