Your not in hell at all. DP is a very tormenting disorder. When I had it 24/7 it did feel like this is what hell must be like. But the truth is that horrible feeling can lift. The crazy feelings I had are now gone, just have a little dr which is ok. Like any illness mental or physical it will not get better if you don't do something about. So justifying the horrible feelings is really you just prolonging this horrific illness. And trust me I know, I use to do it too.