I'm already dead and this is Hell.

Levy · 2013-07-05

Title speaks for itself. First time I got my panic attack i had some instant realization that i've been in hell all this time and that, this is what it looks like. Not the figurative bullshit people refer to when they don't really mean it. I think I'm genuinely in christian hell or whatever. maybe i'm not supposed to remember who i was before i was born in this. i only really feel the torture when i put my mind to the possibility. maybe the torture is the truth that we can never be sure if the world has left us? I remember one night when I had an episode, although I contain myself really well and people barely ever notice when I'm freaking out, I was entering an elevator with two other people and one of them turned and looked at me and I couldn't make out what he said. It was all distorted and didn't sound human, he said "welcome to hell". so thats that.

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Fernoso716

· #2 · Jul 10, 2013

oooooooooooo okiedoke

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pmiller503

· #3 · Jul 11, 2013 (Edited by Moderator)

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Levy

Discussion Starter · #4 · Jul 17, 2013 (Edited by Moderator)

Selig said:
Not to sound like an asshole, but that's ridiculous. I'm sure a Christian Hell would be worse than feeling out of your body.

What have you done? Therapy, medications? We all feel hopeless with this disorder time to time, but having that attitude will only take you deeper down the rabbit hole.

Sink or swim.

Just going through the motions. Starting to notice a lot more substituded dialogue here and there (this may be how people drive themselves to schizophrenia?). You don't think I know what the world was like before this started happening? I know how ridiculous it sounds. I'm not the only one who realized this, and the people who don't understand it yet play a big part in torturing those that do, even if they don't mean to. The torture is the question left unanswered. No medicine or therapy can ever fix that. I now accept it. I just don't want to care anymore. I'd rather feel like I've lost to it than to feel that there is a chance to feel 'normal' again, even if it's in our nature to wish it all away. If you understood it, you would know why it can't be beaten or ignored. Call it what you will, but this is the hell that's been talked about for centuries. It's all here. Down to the very last chamber.

Psalm 88:12
"... a place of darkness, silence and forgetfulness"

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chelsy010

· #5 · Jul 19, 2013

Your not in hell at all. DP is a very tormenting disorder. When I had it 24/7 it did feel like this is what hell must be like. But the truth is that horrible feeling can lift. The crazy feelings I had are now gone, just have a little dr which is ok. Like any illness mental or physical it will not get better if you don't do something about. So justifying the horrible feelings is really you just prolonging this horrific illness. And trust me I know, I use to do it too.

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SheWontFollow

· #6 · Jul 27, 2013

Chelsy, how did you get through it?

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chelsy010

· #7 · Jul 28, 2013 (Edited by Moderator)

I accepted it, distracted myself,tried to engage back in normal life.I tried my best to stop complaining about how I felt which was the hardest thing I have done. but I kept at it and the dp is know gone. It may sound easy and simple but it was hard as hell, doing all those things while feeling dp/dr. That's why most people don't do it this way, cause you have to keep doing it until the dp decides to leave. When the brain fog left, I was then able to tackle more clearly what caused my dp and other related issues. I know that once I finish tackling those my dr will fade totally, but its ok though cause my dr is little.

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Jonest22

· #8 · Jul 28, 2013

Hey guys hope you don't mind me putting a post up, I'm exactly the same, I've been pushing through my
Mum left an abusive partner and shortly after I started to Q to mum, is it normal to just stare at the tv, is it normal to not think and have thoughts, even beig in my own home I feel disconnected but this was "normal" I've been off sick for 5 months haven't as of yet had a diagnosis but nothing seems to register from what I do from
What people say, I've been like it since a child and I don't know how to repair it? I'm
An only child, mum doesn't really talk that
Much, my friends are great but they don't fully understand, Im very much on my
Own! I have no internal dialogue, thoughts are non existent, I actually don't even know who I
Am! Everyday feels and sees the same for
Me! And now I'm aware that this isn't
Normal I'm finding it hard to just get back to who I was? Who ever that was? Does this sense? Any advice would be awsome! I don't feel connected to anything or anyone, nothing seems to register with my brain.

blank mind 24/7, I guessed I pushed trough not being aware and not fully accepting it but now I'm aware, it's hit me like a ton of bricks

(

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Jonest22

· #9 · Jul 28, 2013

Hey guys hope you don't mind me putting a post up, I'm exactly the same, I've been pushing through my
Mum left an abusive partner and shortly after I started to Q to mum, is it normal to just stare at the tv, is it normal to not think and have thoughts, even beig in my own home I feel disconnected but this was "normal" I've been off sick for 5 months haven't as of yet had a diagnosis but nothing seems to register from what I do from
What people say, I've been like it since a child and I don't know how to repair it? I'm
An only child, mum doesn't really talk that
Much, my friends are great but they don't fully understand, Im very much on my
Own! I have no internal dialogue, thoughts are non existent, I actually don't even know who I
Am! Everyday feels and sees the same for
Me! And now I'm aware that this isn't
Normal I'm finding it hard to just get back to who I was? Who ever that was? Does this sense? Any advice would be awsome! I don't feel connected to anything or anyone, nothing seems to register with my brain.

blank mind 24/7, I guessed I pushed trough not being aware and not fully accepting it but now I'm aware, it's hit me like a ton of bricks

(,

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Jonest22

· #10 · Jul 10, 2014

Someone help me please this is hell! Now I've come to the realisation that this isn't normal to just be blank all day long, not connected to anything is so hard

even writing this my brain is blank! I adapted my personality to this, people talk nothing registers I have no interests, I keep myself busy at work but I don't know what goes on there

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Iamlivinginhell

· #11 · Sep 2, 2014

I am living in hel since the age of 12. Sometimes I wonder if I died and been put in hell and I don't even realize it. I just want out. I want to have some happiness in my life. I am tired of suffering and being sad. I work hard to have happiness in my life it just never happens. It all comes down to how people treat you and how you look. The more attractive you are the better life you have. The more unattractive you are the worse people treat you. People talk about racism they are miss placing it. Its more like lookism. If you don't look attractive to people the 95% will treat you like crap. the 5% may be nice to you but they will only be your friend. Its just human nature to want attractive things. Its just sad our minds are this shallow. I admit I want an attractive woman. Its just to bad we were programmed and made this way an this is what life is. There is no way to get out of depression. You are either a happy person and things go wel for you. Or your a depressed person and things go bad. there is no in between or cure for it. The only cure is you know what it is. But if you can't attain that cure then you become depressed and feel trapped in a world that you don't want to be apart of anymore.

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